Dear NSG,
There's this scene, in the movie Pearl Harbor, where Rafe is talking to Evelyn after he shows up alive and she's knocked up with Danny's baby but nobody knows and Rafe says something like "blah blah blah and so I'll walk away and I'll never see you again but I just want to know why. Will you please tell me why?" And that's how I feel about you. You've made it clear you don't want to be friends. But I have no closure. I just want to know why.
We used to be so close. And I know people move away, things sort of fade away, but that's not it. We'd weathered that. We had settled into a long distance friendship that maybe was not quite what either of us had hoped it would be (for different reasons, HA) but I was okay with it. You seemed to be. You didn't tell me things that maybe you once would have (and I had to find out when Sarah read about it in the newspaper and called me) but that was okay. We were still friends, still talked, still could pick up the phone and chat, whatever.
Then it all stopped and I don't know why. And so I cannot get over it. I have mostly moved on. I only think about contacting you once or twice a year, and usually I don't do it. This is where Facebook would be a great resource. We could keep up with each other's lives but without any of those awkward FEELINGS. Speaking of Facebook, though. There was a time when you wouldn't stay in touch with anybody else in our "crowd." But you stayed in touch with me. Now I stay in touch with most of them on Facebook. Of course you're either not on Facebook or you've made it so private that I can't find you. But here's the kicker. Since I keep up with them on Facebook, I know that you DO keep up with them. So again I'm left to wonder why on earth you can't just drop me a line here and there.
Like when I give in to the urge to actually send you an email. An innocuous one. "Hey, heard you got a new job. Congratulations! Want to make a small wager for old time's sake? Hope you're well." And ... nothing. Despite my best intentions, I can't help but hope for a reply. You replied to Sarah, for heaven's sake. I could try to tell myself that maybe you didn't get the email; after all, I sent it to your work address and it was from gmail -- maybe it went to spam...but no. No, the fact is you STILL won't acknowledge that I exist, that we existed, that we were friends, that at one time I did actually mean something to you. And that kills me. So I just want to know why.
In closing. I wish you would get out of my head. I wish I didn't care. I wish I could just accept it and move on but I can't. So, sorry. You'll have to put up with the emails that I do send every two years when the little voice in my head says "what have you got to lose?" Sadly the answer still seems to be something rather than nothing. But anyway, at least you won't have to read and ignore this one.
Love,
Molly
