We have been trying (passively) to get the Rapunzel character for the Disney Infinity game since it came out. If you are up on the details of these horrible wonderful creations, you may know that she is a Wal-Mart exclusive. She was released about the same time Wreck-It Ralph was released at Best Buy and Vanellope was released at Target. All in time for Christmas, you understand. Well, getting Ralph and Vanellope posed no problems. But every time I went to Wal-Mart, Rapunzel was sold out. I could have ordered it, shipped to store for free or even to home if I was feeling lazy, but I thought surely I would come across it at some point. I had time before Christmas. Then I never came across it, and then Patrick ended up with a metric ton of Christmas and birthday presents so I didn't worry about it. Until December 24, when Patrick casually mentioned he'd asked Santa for "the girl with the farro cooking pan." [I have NO EARTHLY IDEA WHY HE CALLS HER THIS. But he consistently does.] Cue panic. Rapunzel was not at any Wallyworld within 50 miles so that was simply out of the question.

A few days after Christmas, I noticed that several stores within 50 miles now had availability. Patrick had mentioned he wanted Rapunzel "since Santa didn't bring her" but he didn't seem too concerned. I had to go to Wal-Mart for a couple of things -- and I've just remembered one of them that I failed to get, sigh -- so I told Patrick we could look for Rapunzel. And then we ended up at Target. I thought that the exclusivity had ended Dec. 31. I guess not. So I told a wailing Patrick at Target that we could drive (the six miles) to Wal-Mart if they had it in stock. Their online search engine said yes.

You can see where this is going, of course. I suppose I ought to have called but this is not my first rodeo. Wal-Mart associates haved proven to be clueless and/or lazy more times than not. It was probably easier to drive the six miles. Which I did. No Rapunzel on the shelf. I asked the associate. He said, "If it's not on the shelf, we don't have it." Patrick started wailing again. I looked at the online search engine. "IN STOCK!" it proclaimed. "ORDER NOW, PICK UP TODAY!"

Fine, I thought. I will outwit you, lazy and apathetic Wal-Mart associate! I then spent 20 minutes trying to place an online order with my dumb phone. When that failed, I went back out to the car to see if I could place the order using the Kindle. There was 2 bars of service for "Best Buy Free Wifi" ... which did not connect. I should have given up a long time ago, but at this point, I WAS GOING TO GET RAPUNZEL, DAMMIT. So I went and parked in front of Panera. Their free Wifi worked. I placed my order. I was smug. I smugly told Patrick that that employee was LAZY and then I smugly went in and ordered a cappuccino while I waited for the text that my order was ready.

The cappuccino was delicious. Patrick got a Valentine's shortbread cookie and Audrey had a blueberry muffin. Patrick very politely went all by himself to the counter and said, "Excuse me. May I please have a new bag for my cookie?" My heart melted. Full disclosure: Patrick also licked the display case. My heart did not melt at that juncture.

By now it was after 5, and it was looking unlikely that I was going to make it home to make dinner, so James came to meet us and we went out. So I was sitting at Kanki waiting for the onion volcano when I got the text from Wal-Mart telling me that unfortunately my order was delayed because Rapunzel was not in stock. However! They are going to RUSH my order to the store FOR FREE! so I can get it in just three to six business days!

WAL-MART SUCKS.

But they win.  

Posted by Molly at 12:44 AM EST

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I was in the living room. I had just sat down after trying to convince Audrey to nap. I wanted to get online, to purchase the items in my shopping cart (still there, some four days later) or check Facebook or something. We had taken the Christmas tree down. It was the midst of the post-holiday blahs.

I heard Patrick rummaging around in the kitchen. I started to get annoyed, because I was thinking, "I bet he's getting out the peanut butter. He will make a big mess and then he'll leave the peanut butter jar out and I'll forget to clean it up and Audrey will get into it and make a bigger mess and then THERE WILL BE SCREAMING."

Then he came into the living room. He was carrying two cartons of chocolate pudding and two spoons. He held one out to me and said, "I brought you some pudding because I thought you might be sad." 

TEARS. 

Posted by Molly at 10:21 PM EST

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aka "2013 in Review"

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
I am wracking my brain here. I'd say something like 'not worked full time' but actually I went some months in 2003ish where I didn't work full time. Hey! I took Audrey to church. That was new.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any because I never keep them and who wants to set themselves up for failure?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I feel like surely somebody had to, but ... not that I recall.  

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
No.

5. What places did you visit?
Disney World/Orlando, FL. Charlotte, NC. (Twice!) Sunset Beach, NC. Myrtle Beach, SC. Oh man, this is depressing. I used to have a life. I used to travel. 

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A bigger house. A shorter drive to get to Target. More savings. More money.

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? None. I don't remember things like I used to. Which is mostly good, I think, judging from the journal I found on Christmas Eve from 2004. I think going forward I'll only remember dates of tragedies or if I happen to have another kiddo.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
We all survived. Ha. Oh, oh, I know! I completed the family photo book. For 2012. In November, I think. Which reminds me, I need to get on the 2013 version. Sigh. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
This did not take just one year, but Patrick had to have major dental work. I feel like a terrible failure every single day. Not even exaggerating. And I am super paranoid about Audrey's teeth. Speaking of failure, I have also failed at getting her to sleep through the night. I AM SO SLEEP-DEPRIVED.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I didn't but James had a kidney stone that our wallets will be feeling until 2015.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Blackout curtains for Patrick's room. Kid is like a teenager now; he'll sleep until noon. Okay, I'm sure there must have been something better but I can't think of anything now, and I'd have to go back and look through my photos from last year or my Facebook status updates, and ... eh.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
Oh, you know, Audrey hit her milestones, so yay! No, seriously. I am paranoid.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I plead the fifth. HA.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills bills bills. Medical bills. The house. Blah.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was really excited to take the kids to Disney World, and it as really fun. But we went the first week of January and it feels like forever ago.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Wrecking Ball... 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? I'm probably trending toward sadder but not for any particular reason. Post-holiday funk? General worry about money? General worry about the state of the world? Don't know. And I'm not really sad or anything, purely talking comparatively.

b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. Sometime in the fall of 2012 I'd given up dairy to see if it helped Audrey not cry all the time. It did, and I lost weight -- and fast! -- because everything that I like has dairy in it. I mean, tell me something good that doesn't contain milk, butter or cheese. Really. But then I started eating cheese again and coffee drinks with full fat milk -- so delicious -- so ... yeah.

c) richer or poorer? Poorer. We have too much debt. I don't actually know if we're poorer. I think about the same. We actually did pretty well contributing to 401ks and we refinanced the mortgage. We didn't spend our savings but I don't know that we added to it and I'm not going to go do the math in case we did not add to it because then I'd be depressed. We still have credit card debt and have added some medical debt. Boo.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? 
Being present. Writing emails to my far-away friends.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Dicking around on the internet. HAHA.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2013?
We opened our presents at our house in the morning, then went to my parents' house in the afternoon. I think that is becoming a tradition. What we did NOT do was have breakfast sausage casserole. I missed it. (I made delicious pancakes instead and we had way too many cookies but still.)

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
No.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
So sad, but Teen Mom. I still watch Bones and House and Grey's Anatomy but they disappoint me on a regular basis. [OMG. This was my 2010 answer. It is basically still true, except House has ended and Bones and GA are less disappointing, most likely because I lowered my expectations.]

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2013?
On my actual birthday, I met my mom and Kevin for lunch at my favorite restaurant (Parker & Otis) and then Kevin and I wandered around the mall for a while. I think I actually was looking for Audrey's birthday present. Also James totally forgot it was my birthday so that was fun. Then on the weekend we went to a Bulls game in which there was a grand slam and a triple play.

24. What was the best book you read?
Okay, don't judge me. I am re-reading the Outlander series. I LOVE THOSE BOOKS. I read Gone Girl because it seemed like the thing to do, but I didn't love it. 

25. What did you want and get? 
The Poang chair and footstool from IKEA. But I had to get leather instead of the supercute flower print I wanted because the flower print would not match our living room.

26. What did you want and not get?
The credit card(s) paid off. A bathroom remodel. A new house. Fit. 

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
I went to a non-kids movie for the first time in FOREVER. Unfortunately it was "About Time" and it was good but my mom had RAVED about it so I went in with too-high expectations and it was a letdown. I think I liked "Frozen" better. And probably also "Despicable Me 2."

28. Did you make some new friends this year?
Not really but I got a lot closer to some friends. 

29.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the Powerball and not having to worry about money.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Stretchy yoga pants.

31. What kept you sane? 
Girl time.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Would you judge me if I said Ben Roethlisberger? Of course you would. [Haha, 2010 FTW!] 

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obamacare!

34. Who did you miss?
Who I always miss. Also, sometimes, my previous life. Not like I want it back, but man, those were some good times. [I have made no progress since 2010.]

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
Be grateful. 

Posted by Molly at 10:09 PM EST

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Patrick got his picture with Santa today. They had a very amusing conversation.

Patrick: CHEESE!

Santa: …burger.

P: BURGER!

S: No, cheeseburger.

P: Cheeseburger?

S: Or did you say booger?

P: HAHA burger. Not booger!

S: Patrick, have you been good this year?

P: Yes!

S: Do you always listen to your mom and dad?

P: Yep.

S: Always?

P: Well…sometimes I do.

S: Do you eat your vegetables?

P: Yes!

S: You do?

Molly: What about green beans?

S: Do you like green beans, Patrick?

P: No. I don’t.

S: I don’t like spinach. It’s so good when it’s fresh and cold but then you cook it and it’s just not good.

<Patrick and Santa pose with a tin can telephone.>

P: <yelling> Can you hear me, PUNK?!?

S: Whoa, whoa, hey. How about ‘can you hear me, pardner’?

P: Can you hear me PARDNER!

S: Ha. I think your dad has been teaching you some things that he … maybe shouldn’t be. We might need to get the switch out.

P: Mm-hmm.

S: Do you know what a switch is?

P: Yes, it’s how you move the train from one track to another.

S: <chuckling> Well, yes, but I was thinking of another kind of switch.

P: Like one for cars?

S: Never mind, let’s not talk about that anymore. What do you want for Christmas?

P: Um. I need to think about it.

S: Okay, you can write me a letter, or you can email me. Can you do that?

P: Yes! Yes, I can.

S: Okay, well you do that, and you be sure to listen to your mom and d—well. You listen to your mom. I need to speak with your dad. 

Posted by Molly at 3:41 PM EST

Updated: Sat 11/09/2013 3:45 PM EST

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[I am completely unable to produce this as a cohesive whole letter. One day. One day I will.]

Dear Audrey,

For the first, oh, 10 months of your life, you refused to sleep unless I was holding you. I could coax you to take the occasional nap. The crib was useless. It was ... challenging. After about 10 months of this, I was fed up. So finally I put you in your crib to let you nap, fully prepared to let you cry it out -- although full disclosure I had tried this before, and you outlasted me every time up to 70 minutes -- and you ... fell asleep. And suddenly you were napping in your crib. And a few weeks later you would go to sleep in your crib! It is like heaven! Now, that is not to say we don't still have issues because we do, oh we do, but it is lovely that you nap. However, every time I put you in the crib, you make the saddest little pouty face. Your lower lip trembles. There's a picture I have of your brother making this face, and you make it every.single.time. You do not even usually cry. You usually go right to sleep, because you are TIRED, but that face. Every time. It kills me. It is so adorable.

Also adorable: you blow kisses (sometimes. when you want. did I mention this already?) and you blow on your food to cool it off. It is already cooled off but you obviously have seen us do this and are mimicking it. Of course it's because you're a genius like your mother, but it is just amazing how you pick up on this stuff.

You prefer to drink of out of a straw or a real cup. You are not a big fan of the sippy cup. The straw thing fascinates me, because I recall Patrick at roughly this age not wanting anything to do with straws-type sippy cups. I didn't bother trying them this time around until you grabbed a Capri Sun and knew just what to do with it. And didn't even spill any.

You have also used a straw to sip my iced coffee. I let you have a sip occasionally, and I drink sugar-filled coffee concoctions so it's not overly surprising that you'd like it but one day last week I just got an iced coffee. It was not sweetened. You took a giant sip and came back for more. Twice. I am scared.

I have nearly finished your project 365 photo book and I need to email that to your grandma so she can edit it. Two pairs of eyes are better than one. I can't think of anything else to say right now, but I will as soon as I hit publish...so I'll be back, I'm sure.

Love,
Mama 

Posted by Molly at 11:51 PM EDT

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Dear Audrey,

You would think that, with my journalism degree and my enjoyment of writing, that I could come up with a better update for 14 months than that mess I posted last night. I know precisely what the problem is. I end up blogging late at night. Late at night after a day spent chasing you and negotiating with your brother. Now, I love being at home with you guys. I do not want to go back to work. But you are exhausting. So then I think "oh my hell NOW I have to blog" and I just want to do bullet points.

This is the blog's fault, not yours, as I think we discovered during the ill-fated nablopomo, so I wanted to try again. You DO do everything I mentioned yesterday, of course.

But I also want to remember how when I tell you it's time to brush your teeth, you walk into the bathroom and say 'ahhhh.' And then I get the toothbrush out and you clamp your little lips shut and smirk at me. It goes downhill from there. This is so ridiculously cute to me, even though it's terrible because you scream, and I have to let you scream so you open your mouth and I can brush your teeth. 

Yeah, so, this is going well already.

And I need to finish it later.

Winning!

Posted by Molly at 11:23 PM EDT

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Audrey is 14 months old. And two days. Almost three. 

It is hard not to compare her to Patrick at 14 months, but then it's easy not to compare ... because I don't remember. I mean, I remember what he did, but was it 14 months? 15? No idea.

She is running. She still hasn't quite worked out that she should break her falls with her hands. She still thinks her head serves that purpose. 

When she was about to turn 1, I stupidly read one of those 'your baby this week' emails which indicated that she should be pointing and waving bye bye. She was doing neither of these things. I was not overly worried about the waving, because we rarely practiced that. But Google is not my friend and told me that pointing was instinctive (instinctual?) and it didn't matter if I didn't teach/model it, she should just do it. I tried not to worry about it. I failed. I mentioned it at her 12-month doctor's appointment. The doctor was unconcerned. Also, that appointment was when she was nearly 13 months, and by then she had sort of started pointing with her whole hand. Anyway the point of this incredibly boring paragraph is that she points now! She points regally. Perhaps the hand-waving was her dismissive way of pointing. But now she points everywhere. I want to go *here.* I want *that* chocolate. She discovered my stash of chocolate. She likes dark chocolate.

She just started blowing kisses today. It is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

Her favorite thing to do is bring you shoes. Her shoes. Your shoes. Usually she wants to go outside but sometimes she just wants to bring you her shoes. She doesn't say many words yet but she does say shoes. ('Oooos!')

She has mastered going down the stairs on her butt. I recall Grandma taught Patrick how to kaboom down the stairs and Patrick and I have passed this on to Audrey. Or she maybe figured it out herself. She learns fast.

Sleep is still a work in progress.

So is weaning. I am ready to be done nursing. Audrey is not. I don't know how to begin to convince her. She likes eating. She'll try anything. She particularly likes apples. She doesn't care much for sippy cups but she does like drinking from a straw. She also likes getting water from the water dispenser in the fridge. And then she dumps it all over the floor.

She likes the Cozy Coupe she inherited from Patrick. If you say "beep beep" she honks the horn.

I'm sure I have more to say but it's bedtime and I don't want this to languish as a draft so it's going up as is. Such is my life. 

Posted by Molly at 11:16 PM EDT

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So Audrey turned one. I figured it was time to update. I have Wimbledon on, which is how I spent much of Audrey's first two weeks, so it is a nice bit of nostalgia. (I could go all stream of consciousness here and talk about the Nostalgia Man, which was(/is?) the guy in the Memphis Redbirds logo which would then make me switch over to baseball and then I would talk about the Chipper Bobble Bundle which is the three-game Durham Bulls ticket package that I purchsed so Patrick could have another bobblehead to destroy, look how off topic I can get, THIS IS HOW MY BRAIN WORKS.)

Anyway. Last Saturday my mom and I went to get Audrey's handprints done in ceramic, glazed and fired and whatnot. We did this for two reasons: (1) we did it for Patrick (when he was 6 months, second child syndrome right there) and (2) I like the handprints but am incapable of producing them myself. I tried. The last night, on her actual birthday, we did one-year pictures including cake smash. I am excited about these but I really wanted the 'golden hour' or whatever before sunset and it was cloudy and the light was not exactly what I had in mind -- but perhaps (probably) I'm idealizing it -- so I may try to do some more on my own.

Wow. Two paragraphs in and I still have not gotten to the point. This is my journalism degree in action. HA. 

It is sort of anticlimactic that Audrey is one. Perhaps because she has been walking for more than three months already, she just seems older. Maybe it is the second child thing. I don't know. I successfully took 365 photos so she will have the same book that Patrick got. (WOO!) By this point in his life, Patrick had already spent a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa while Mom and Dad jetted off to Colorado, but Audrey has not had to put up with such a separation. I guess I should get to the damn point and talk about Audrey: Age 1.

Audrey has moved past walking and basically runs everywhere. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. She likes to play with her big brother and all his toys. (Poor Patrick. He just sits there. "Mom, she's sitting on me. Audrey's sitting on me. Make her stop.") She loves being outside; she has always been this way. She picks up sticks and mulch and anything she can get her hands out outside. Often, she then tries to eat it. She is not much of a fan of baby food but will try anything we are eating. She grabs anything sweet out of my hand (or mouth) and will not give it back. (Smart girl.) She likes to play in the water, so bathtime is always fun, as is the sprinkler, hose and pool. She is of course fearless so this is not as much fun for Mom and Dad.

In the past month or so, she has gotten much better about sleeping. I am not sure if this is just that she finally go to a good point for HER with regards to sleep or if she realized that I had gotten to a point where I was not going to take it anymore. She now takes a morning nap from roughly 10-noon each day. In her crib. Alone. This is huge. She will also go to sleep at night on her own, most nights. The rest is a bit murkier. She only sleeps for a stretch of 3-4 hours at night. So she goes to bed at 9 but is usually up again wanting to eat around midnight or 1 a.m. She does not want to go back to her crib alone after this point. She also probably still needs an afternoon nap, but if she takes one, she won't sleep at night. I am trying to figure this one out still. Either she's cranky from 3-9pm but goes to sleep easily or she naps from abour 4-5 pm and is much happier but WILL NOT SLEEP. We'll call this a work in progress. 

She likes to dance, badly, when she hears any kind of beat. It's cute. She has defeated the baby gate, which we had to put at the foot of the stairs because she kept climbing them. 

I am pretty sure Audrey's first "word" was uh oh. She says it when she drops something and it is adorable. I *think* she also says thank you but it is basically unintelligible. But she is always bringing us things and we say thank you (of course) and I have noticed she says it sometimes when I give her things. Well, I have noticed the inflection in what she says sounds like my thank yous. She says, basically, ah oo, which ... every baby says. Perhaps it is my imagination, but I'm going with it. She might also say ball. She will bring you a ball if you ask her to go get her ball. And she has been saying ba/baba for a while but on that one I am not sure if it is just babble or if she really gets it. (Oh what the heck -- my kid is smart! She says ball. Let's go with that one too.) 

She does NOT wave byebye. I think this is because she refuses to let me leave her anywhere so we don't get to practice this. She is also not a big fan of clapping, though she will grin hugely if you clap for her. (Ha.) She occasionally will deign to clap.

We are still nursing. I didn't really plan this. I don't necessarily want to keep nursing. But I am pretty sure Audrey does, as she seems unwilling to give it up. We'll see how this goes.

Her party is Saturday. I am excited. I can't believe she's 1. We love her. :)

[Pictures to come!] 

Posted by Molly at 9:07 AM EDT

Updated: Wed 06/26/2013 9:40 AM EDT

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I have been actively resisting blogging. To be sure, there are things I have wanted to write about. Patrick and Audrey deserve updates. I sent myself an email (or several) to remind myself of cute things Patrick says. Another one, which I haven't yet documented, is vocation instead of vacation. And Audrey, being nearly 1, discovers something new and adorable nearly every day.

But -- and I think this is a result of my successful NaBloPoMo -- I dread logging in and writing. I am doing it tonight in an effort to get back to it. I LIKE looking back at things I've written. I SHOULD force myself to do it. But perhaps not every day.

Audrey has recently (like two weeks ago recently) decided that she can, in fact, fall asleep by herself, in her crib, and stay that way for at least 5 hours. I suspect that by this point she is supposed to be sleeping through the night, and I further suspect that her brother was doing just that, but for the baby who screamed for 75 minutes straight -- NO THANK YOU, MOTHER, I WILL NOT CRY IT OUT -- this is huge progress. It leaves me with time to do things. Time and two hands. Of course, I miss her curled up against me. No winning in parenthood. Sigh.

Patrick has reached a difficult point in his life where he is starting to realize that his 'friends' (the older neighborhood boys he idolizes) might not be his friends and they are mean and they don't necessarily want to play with him. It is heartbreaking and makes me want to throttle one of them in particular. I mean, I GET that you don't want to play with the annoying 4-year-old who asks you please, guys, not to jump so high on the trampoline because he's scared, but he's 4! You don't have to be MEAN about it, you little shit. Just tell him you can't play, or your mom is making you eat dinner or something. FUCKER. I have no idea how to handle this; I want him to go play outside rather than play video games inside, but I don't want him to go be rejected again. He sits pitifully at the end of the driveway and waits for someone to play with him. It is horrible. He doesn't want to play with the friends I suggest. He doesn't want to play with me. He doesn't want to make cookies. Or walk. I know this is life, but do you have to start experiencing it at 4? You have the rest of your life for that.

As for me, I have sort of found my groove staying at home. Sort of. The dishes are usually washed before I go to bed. The laundry is done, if not put away. There's usually a hot dinner on the table by 6 pm. I love not having to work. I love being at home with the kids. They drive me nuts some days but on the whole it's so much better than work. The one part where I really feel like I'm failing is getting Patrick to learn. We practice writing his name and learning his letters and whatnot. He loves the letter H. He can (mostly) count to 100 and he can recognize all the numbers. We try (and fail) to color inside the lines. I try to do crafty things. We read, although not enough. But he doesn't really like any of that, and I'm so scared of him being like me and hating every single second of school that I don't push it. We have one more year before he officially starts school; I think we will send him to a half-day program but that is TBD.

This has not turned out to be too terrible unless you were actually looking to be entertained. I have been Debbie Downer here for the most part and it is so boring unless you're me. Perhaps I will discuss the plans for Audrey's first birthday party the next time I get on here. HA. 

Posted by Molly at 11:16 PM EDT

Updated: Wed 06/05/2013 11:17 PM EDT

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Patrick: I don't want to go to high school.

Me: Okay, how about pre-k?

Patrick: No, I want to stay home with you forever.

Me: Forever? How will you meet girls?

Patrick: I'll go to Zumba with you. ... But be sure to bring some money. Because there are snack machines there, and dancing makes me hungry.

***

He brought me a daffodil yesterday because he thought it was "beautiful."

Posted by Molly at 10:14 AM EDT

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