an unpublished interview with a ballplayer from a long time ago
Molly: What's your favorite baseball memory?
Ballplayer: I guess when we made the playoffs in [year]. ... I started Game [x] against [future Hall of Famer]. I think we ended up losing that game, but yeah, I started it. That was probably the most exciting. ... [Are you wearing] a bra AND a tank top?
M: Well, yeah, I mean, it's not like I can NOT wear a bra.
BP: I know, you have to. Your boobs are too big. ... Maybe you need to get a thicker bra.
M: I don't like thicker bras. But I guess I needed one yesterday.
BP: Why? Were a lot of people looking?
M: I don't know. You were.
BP: Yeah. Well your nipples were really poking out.
M: So, moving right along. ... Best thing about [city]?
BP: Mmm...the park. Molly.
M: Ha, I'm not putting that.
...
M: Did you have a favorite player, growing up?
BP: I did. [Famous Shortstop].
M: So how come you aren't a shortstop?
BP: I was, until I got too big. Most of the guys here were shortstops.
M: But if they were all shortstops, then who played the other positions? [Haaaa I'm being stupid but he answers seriously]
BP: Well you usually put the best player at shortstop, or at least the good ones, and then you just move to other positions as you grow, or develop. So most of the guys who made it here were shortstops.
M: Toughest hitter you faced?
BP: [Steroid User]. He's hit me pretty good. I don't know if he homered or not, but he's hit me pretty good. I've walked him a lot. And that's when he was Regular [Name].
M: "Regular [Name]"?
BP: Yeah, you know, before he ... got big.
...
M: Okay, favorites. Favorite baseball movie?
BP: Major League. Does everybody say Bull Durham?
M: I don't know, it varies. Favorite non-baseball movie?
BP: Ghostbusters. I always say that.
M: Is it true?
BP: Yeah, anything old Bill Murray.
M: Favorite magazine?
BP: Heh. Uh... Penthouse. You can't put that, can you?
M: Well, I can. I mean, I don't mind. I'll put it.
BP: I bet you will. Yeah, I don't actually read many magazines.
M: You just look at the pictures.
BP: Sometimes I read the fantasies.
M: Oh, yeah, the fantasies, hmm.
BP: Do you read those? Playboy?
M: No, I, uh, don't really need to. I can get pretty far in my head. I don't have to read anything. ...SO! Favorite car?
BP: How's that working out for you?
M: What?
BP: The fantasies.
M: Um, well, it's kind of hard right now, actually. There was this guy, in Houston, and it would always be him, but then he left, that was about a year ago, and since then, I've ... it's been hard, but you know, I'm trying to broaden my horizons.
BP: Broaden your horizons, huh?
M: Yeah, it, uh, gets the job done.
BP: Gets the job done, hm?
M: Well it's better than the real thing at this point.
BP: Yeah, I'm right there with you on that one. It gets harder, you know.
M: What does?
BP: Getting it done, all the way. I mean, it used to be I could have the fantasy and masturbate and it would get me all the way off, but it gets harder, when you get older.
M: Huh. I wouldn't know.
BP: Yeah, that's why you get help. DVDs and stuff.
M: So...you have a favorite DVD then?
BP: (grins) Mmm...a couple...hundred. Yeah my favorite one is probably, what's it called, Pretty in Pink? No, that's the real movie. Pretty Pink, that's it, I think they called it that because, uh... I don't know what word to use... it's, uh, it's pink, usually ...
M: Ohh, okay. I gotcha.
BP: Yeah.
M: Uh huh. So, favorite car?
BP: Um, I don't know.
M: Come on, you've got to give me something.
BP: I've given you lots of good stuff.
M: Yeah, but I can't use it.
BP: But you'll remember it.
+++
That interview always amused me because it was so Bull Durham esque, and that wasn't even his favorite baseball movie. For shame. I'm now 10 years older than he was when we did this interview, and I still don't find that I need to use DVDs. Lol. ... I still think of "this guy, in Houston," even though he didn't always take his socks off, and do you think Dwight Gooden leaves his socks on?
