It all started the night of the Rose Bowl. A bunch of people had gone out, and I joined them at the bar after I got off work. The game is 37-14 Miami and not even that close. “I tried to get them to change it to NBC but they wouldn’t,” NSG says. “I’d rather watch nine episodes of Friends than this.” He is also excited because he almost got into a fight with two guys because they were cheering for the Big 12. But everyone else is winding down by the time I get there, and he is trying to convince them to have another round.
“I’m the oldest person here, and I ran three miles today,” says NSG. “So you all need to stay.” He gets a fresh bucket, gives beer to the guys he almost fought with and then brings the rest back to the table and passes them around. NSG wants to go to a different bar. No one else does.
"Molly’ll go with me," he says. "Molly likes me."
NSG: … You know, this is my last year in sports.
M: Yeah?
NSG: Yeah, I’m gonna move back home and get a farm. I’ve lived the good life here, you know, but ... I’m done.
M: That’s sad.
NSG: <looks at me like I’ve lost it> Sad?
M: Well, not for you, but for the rest of us.
NSG: Yeah, it is sad for you. ’Cause I’m a pretty nice guy.
M: Yeah you are.
The game ends. [Friend] and [Girlfriend] stand up to leave. “Where are you going?” NSG whines. “You can’t go home yet. What do you have to do tomorrow?”
F: Some of us have to work.
NSG: I don’t. I don’t have anything to do. They’re phasing me out. [Friend], I’m the boss. I’m not going to work; you don’t have to. [Coworker] will be there. Let’s go to [bar], come on.
F: Nah… We’re going home. Come on, you’re coming home with us.
NSG: No, I’m fine. I’m not done yet. I’m going to [bar]. Molly’s coming with me.
F: <hesitates, looks at me> Oh, that’s riiiiight, [roommate]'s not at home.
(I am not entirely sure what this means. What does she have to do with any of this?)
NSG: <to me> Please say yes. Please say yes.
F: <looks at me expectantly> So you got him?
They leave. We decide which bar to hit next. I trail NSG to his car.
NSG: What are we doing? My car’s right here.
M: I can’t let you drive. I promised [friend].
NSG: [Friend] doesn’t care. He and [Girlfriend] are getting it on – for the fourth time – right now.
I drive him to the next bar, and someone buys me a beer. NSG gets one, too, but it’s the last one he drinks. I’m sitting down toward the end of the bar, and he’s standing beside me, and then he grabs my ear, which has two earrings in it.
NSG: You know, someone could pull that out during sex and it would really hurt.
M: Yeah it would. And I’m not even wearing my sperm earring.
NSG: Your "sperm" earring? What do you mean? Is it made of...
M: No! It’s made of metal. It’s shaped like a sperm.
He raises his eyebrows, still a little confused, and pulls a bunch of receipt paper out of the cash register.
NSG: Does anybody need a receipt? <laughs, then rips it off and makes like he’s going to stuff it in my bra> Don’t tell [roommate] I did that.
M: I won’t.
NSG: <pointing at this guy in the booth next to us> I’m gonna start spiking my hair like that guy.
M: Why?
NSG: See this? <he runs his hand through his hair> This is hotel shampoo. I took a shower at Memorial Park, Coast and hotel shampoo. If I did my hair like that, spiky, then everyone would want me. I’d be hot. Do you think I’m hot?
M: Yeah, I think you’re hot.
He sings karaoke: "Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw."
Eventually we end up dancing to one of the slow karaoke songs. He says, “Let’s do it like they do in the country,” and pulls my hand in so it’s on his chest and he’s hugging me and I’m leaning into him and it is amazing. After the song ends, NSG goes off to mingle for a while, comes back and sits down beside me and looks at my shoes and says, “Are those your hooker shoes?” (He comments on them every time I wear them, and they are perfectly normal! I am just short and I need a heel.)
NSG: If only you were 39.
NSG: If only you were 39.
M: 39? Why 39?
NSG: Because then your sexual drive would be at its peak.
M: … [Uhhhh.]
NSG: Or I could be 25. Then everyone would want me.
M: Everyone does want you. [I mean…I do.]
NSG: I know.
We slow dance again, and I still can’t believe any of this is happening, and he says, again, "Let’s do it like they do in the country," so we do, and then he dips me, and all I can think is, He’s a much better lead than [New Years dance partner] is.
Around this time, NSG starts making comments like, “I need to walk back to my car; it’ll be good for me.” At first I’m just kind of nodding, while thinking, no, you’re not walking back to your car, you can’t, you’re supposed to come home with me. But then finally, he says it again, so I ask why does he have to walk back to his car, and he says, “Because I need to get home. Will you take me?” And I start laughing, because all I can think of is this line in this romance novel I just read. NSG says, “What? What’s funny?”
M: It just reminded me of this line in a book I read when you said that ... and it was funny.
NSG: What was the line?
M: Well, it was a romance novel... It was just, the girl said, “Will you take me?” and the guy, well...uhh…he said, you know, “Oh, yeah, I’ll take you....”
NSG: Oh... Ah. Heh. <chuckles> I should make you follow me back to [my house].
M: You know I’d do it, don’t you? [I really, naiively, thought all he meant was I should follow him because he was drunk, to make sure he made it home.]
NSG: Yeah, I know.
M: Look, why don’t you just come home with me and you can sleep on the couch?
NSG: <considers> I might do that.
NSG: <considers> I might do that.
M: Come on, I’ll be safer, ’cause [roommate]’s not there and I’m all alone... Plus I told [Friend] I got you.
NSG: You’re not worried about me. You’re just worried about what [Friend] will think.
M: No, that’s not true. If you left and drove home, then I’d have to worry about you.
NSG: I know.
M: And just think of the stories I could tell.
NSG: <laughs a little> Think of the stories I could tell.
Then somebody he used to work with comes up and she’s like, “Hey, buy me a beer,” and he’s hedging, and she goes, “No, come on, I’m serious, buy me a beer. Don’t you want one?” Finally he turns around, asks if I want anything, orders a beer for her and a Coke for himself, as he is obviously planning to drive. “Are you sure you don’t want anything?” he asks. I nod. “You can share my Coke,” he says. He gets the Coke, and you can still see somebody’s lip imprint on the glass, like they ran it through the dishwasher but it didn’t quite come off, and I notice, so I’m looking kind of hard at it, and NSG sees me staring, says, “What?” So I tell him, look, there’s a lip imprint on the glass. He says, “We could lick it off.” He licks it, pushes it my way. “Now you do it.” I do, and he grins, because I don’t think he expected me to actually do it. “I kinda liked that."
Last call. We make our way to the door. As we get to the door, somebody is doing “How You Remind Me” by Nickelback. “Did you drive or did I drive?” NSG asks. We go over to my car, get in.
NSG: So. Where are you taking me?
M: Where do you want me to take you?
NSG: <laughs> Molly, it’s been a long time since a woman asked me that.
Posted by Molly
at 12:01 AM EST
