Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a woman at work about the distribution of household labor. I said it felt like I did a heck of a lot more around the house than my dear husband, which would be one thing if I was a stay-at-home-mom but, you know, I'm not. (Still wouldn't be fair, exactly, but it might bother me less?) Anyway, she said there have been studies about this sort of thing, and they found that each partner feels they do way more than the other. So if you added up the percentages that they give themselves, it would be way over 100. I said I was sure that's true ... but I still do more. She laughed.

I remembered this conversation last night as I was trying to go to the bathroom undisturbed by a toddler, with little success. I started thinking about everything I had done at home, compared to everything James had done. Here's my recollection:

We also fit in a bit of time to fight about budgeting/money (because that's what we do).

And then I watched Grey's Anatomy and not the World Series, because I cannot for the life of me get excited about Giants-Rangers. Yawn.

Posted by Molly at 10:40 AM EDT

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After I had sex for the first time, my period was two weeks late. We'd been safe; I wasn't particularly worried. I didn't say anything. And then there was nothing to say. But sometimes I wonder about the what ifs. What if I had gotten pregnant? At the time, I would have told you there's no way he would have asked me to get an abortion, but I later found out he HAD asked that of his high school girlfriend. I wouldn't have. So there would be this little seven-year-old running around. In my mind, it's a boy. But he might have wanted a little girl. I know he had preferred girl names.  

Why do I still think about this eight years later? I don't know. We aren't in touch, we don't talk anymore. His choice. That's probably part of it. And, I mean, it was my first time. It was a big deal (for me). I thought about it a lot before it happened, and I told myself it was okay, it would be okay, even if we didn't, you know, walk off into the sunset together, because we'd been close friends, and we would always be friends. I couldn't see how we wouldn't still be friends, at least. So he would always be a part of my life. As it turns out, he's not a part of my life at all, and maybe that's why I still think of him.

I don't know where this is going. Probably nowhere. Sometimes I just think about it. I don't think about anyone else like this. I mean, they were really a lot of fun and I look back fondly on many things about them, even though one ended quite badly. But they were fun while they lasted. And I don't wonder what if.

Posted by Molly at 10:43 AM EDT

Updated: Fri 03/10/2023 1:07 PM EST

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Last week, you went on a plane trip for the sixth time. We had to fly to Erie for your Great-Grandpa Jack's funeral. (You are totally over flying, and you were unimpressed by Cleveland. I've never really been to the city but given the complete lack of decent coffee in the entire airport, I can't say I blame you.)

Jack was my mom's father. You got to meet him, once, when you were about three months old. Neither of you remembered that, but I think it was a nice moment for me and for your grandma. You never got to meet MY grandma, your Great-Grandma Rose, but she would have loved you, and spoiled you ROTTEN, like she always did me and Kevin and Megan.

When I went to the hospital to have you, one of the things that I worried about the most was getting an IV. (I tend to do this, you see, focus on tiny little things so I don't have to worry about the big things. I don't think it's terribly effective so I don't recommend it.) And I said to the nurse, "I don't really like needles." She was completely dismissive and said, "Most people don't." I suppose it's the same with funerals. But all the same, it was nice to see everyone. Jack's older sister Jeanne was there. She DOES remember when you met Jack and she loved seeing you again. Your grandpa Mike's dad, Great-Grandpa Ed, came, and so did Larry and Andrea and my Aunt Linda. You got to meet your grandpa's best buddy, Ed Hilovsky, and you got to meet your great-grandpa's best buddy, Joe Marshall. Joe and his wife lived across the street from Jack and Rose on West 23rd Street from 1963-2006 when Jack moved out. Joe was the Erie chief of police and once yelled at me for running into his car while I was learning to ride a bike. I've been slightly afraid of him since that day. You let Joe pick you up -- the only one you let do that who wasn't already familiar -- and the next day gave him a high five.

Your grandma spoke at the service, and Chris and Jeff. Chris talked about how Jack loved trains, and how once, when Megan was 11, she stayed home sick one day, and her grandpa stayed with her, and when Chris got home that night, Megan said, "I'm never getting sick again -- Grandpa made me watch train videos all day." Your grandma said that Jack loved Carolina basketball and told the story about how I used to take dance lessons with Dean Smith's daughter. And one day, Jack was waiting to pick me up after dance, and there was Dean Smith, and he walked up and introduced himself, and he was so happy that he got to meet Dean Smith. Jeff said that Jack was the best husband and father that anyone could hope for -- he lived with his mother-in-law, his wife, and his two daughters -- and that he always looked to Jack for guidance on how he should act. Joe stood up and talked about how he went to high school with Jack, but then they lost touch until 1963, when Jack moved in across the street. Later, Joe's daughter said that he wanted to say so much more, but he couldn't; it was too hard.

After the service, we all went to lunch. Jack and Rose always used to drink Manhattans, so we tried them, lots of us for the first time. (They aren't bad, but I don't think I'll continue that tradition.) Jack was buried in a Carolina pullover, and the sky was Carolina blue. It was a beautiful fall day. You, however, weren't interested in eating lunch, though, who knows, you might have wanted to try a Manhattan. In the same row of buildings as the restaurant was a toy store, and you and I wandered over there to try to keep you happy. You had a hunk of bread in your hand, and after a time around the store, you were looking for someplace to put it. You saw a display of little plastic personalized mugs. You picked one up, a blue one, and put it back. Then you picked up an orange one, dropped your bread inside, and walked off with the cup. After you put it down, I went to go pick it up and saw the name on it. You picked the mug that said "Jack."

Posted by Molly at 1:00 AM EDT

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Dear Patrick,

Today you are nineteen months old. Before you were born, I had all these crazy ideas: I was going to do an awesome scrapbook for you. I was going to take a picture of you every day for the first year of your life. I was going to write you monthly letters so you would know what you were like when you were a baby (and so I would remember). Anyway. I hit one of those three goals, which was a total bitch. Hope you like your photo book. The scrapbook thing (and the letter thing) I've rationalized away using the 'But he's a boy, he won't care' reasoning. It's probably true. It's still a rationalization. You'll find that I'm very good at that sort of thing. If I had decided to do this sort of letter writing thing even on an infrequent basis, it would have made much more sense to do it at 12 months, or even 18, but well, here we are. Last week we just had your 18-month doctor visit, although the delay there was the doctor’s fault, not mine. Perhaps that visit is what has sparked this urge to write you a letter. You measured at 50^th percentile for height and weight, and 99^th percentile for head circumference. I got the biggest kick out of that. Your grandparents love to talk about how I was at 5% for weight and 95% for head circumference, so it is nice to know that we have that in common.

Lately you LOVE spending time outside. This is unfortunate since we are having probably the hottest summer ever recorded. You bring me your shoes and put on your little shark hat and grab my finger and pull me to the door. 'Door' and 'outside' are two of your favorite words. (I'm glad that you have these words, because I spent a good portion of your first year worrying about your development. Because you crawled funny. You'll be happy to know that in your second year, I worry less about you and more about me. I don't want to miss anything, and it scares me. Your grandmother tells me that she went to the doctor at least nine times during MY first year of life, convinced that she was dying, so it must be genetic. She said it leveled off around age 2, so here's hoping.) You also like to say 'ball,' normally while you're toddling toward one across the street in the neighbor's yard. Good thing we live in a family neighborhood. You cry when I leave the room, and it's simultaneously annoying and adorable and heart-breaking. And it pisses off your dad, because he thinks you don't do it for him, but you do. Every weekend you boys go off to have breakfast at Bojangles so every morning you ask for Daddy. (You also say 'sweet tea' very frequently, as you pull the jug from the refrigerator. I told your father he is going to take you to your first dentist appointment.) We go for walks every night, and I think you like it, but you no longer are content to be contained. You have to walk, too, or push the stroller yourself, or ride in your Cozy Coupe. You think it's hilarious if your dad or I let you go and run in front of the car. Your laugh is such a wonderful thing; it's so genuine and it’s hard not to laugh with you. You use this to your advantage when you know you're about to be in trouble. The pediatrician says that babies are not manipulative. I'm not sure when toddlers become manipulative, but I'm pretty sure you had a head start. You have been manipulating me from the minute you were born. Even before that.

You hate going to bed. I think it's because you hate being left out. You want to be a part of everything that we're doing. And I usually don't give in but I do cave when you snuggle up next to me and say 'baseball.' You seem to prefer throwing things with your left hand, and this delights me. Apparently kids don't pick a dominant hand until they are 4 or 5, but I think it would be neat if you were a southpaw. This is not a popular opinion; I know of at least two other moms who actively discourage their kids from using the left hand. They say it's too difficult to be a lefty in life. I'm not a lefty, but I disagree.

Your father and I are talking about maybe trying to provide you with a sibling. In case you hate that possible theoretical future sibling, I want to tell you why we are thinking about this. Well, I'll tell you my side. I think your dad has different reasons. My brother, your Uncle Kevin, and I fought A LOT while we were growing up. I don't just mean 'I'm not touching you' kind of fights. I mean hitting, punching, scratching, that sort of thing. We were mean to each other. We always tried to get the other in trouble. Looking into the future when you can read this, he probably is still talking about that time (he claims) I cost him his hearing by smacking him in the ear with a towel at Disney World. He can hear fine. But here's the thing: we have so much fun together now. We have the same sense of humor, we like a lot of the same things, we like to quote Armageddon at inappropriate times. We have a weekly lunch date, and we usually meet for coffee too. We have a shared history, and it's just so awesome. And more than anything, I want that for you. (Also, of course, someone to share the burden with when your parents are old. You know.)

There's a lot more I want to say, but it's going to have to wait until at least 19 months and one day. And let's be realistic: it'll probably be at least several months out. Anyway. I love you, Patrick, and I'm so glad you're here. It's so much fun to watch you grow up. (For now, at least.)

Love,
Mommy

Posted by Molly at 9:41 PM EDT

Updated: Wed 07/21/2010 10:13 AM EDT

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So. Hi. Been awhile. Going to try to get better about that, but -- I know, I know -- you've heard that one before.

This one is in grand mommyblogging tradition, here, but it cracked me up this morning. (And no, we're not potty training. Not really. Not yet. I don't know.)

Patrick wakes up.

Molly: Hey, buddy. Do you need to go potty?

Patrick: [points downstairs]

We go downstairs, and -- oh, what the hell -- into the bathroom, where I sit Patrick upon his own special mini throne.

Patrick: [sits there, looking around. Nothing happens.]

Patrick: Up!

Molly: Do you want to get up? Are you all done?

Patrick: All done!

He gets up and stands on the rug in front of the shower. And pees.

Molly: Patrick! You're supposed to do that in the potty!

Patrick: [picks up his potty and hands it to me. Smiles.]

Posted by Molly at 3:11 PM EDT

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Last year, in late March, I spied a bag of Creme de Menthe Hershey Kisses on clearance at Target. I bought them. They were good. Last Christmas, I spied a bag of Mint Truffle Hershey Kisses at Target. I bought them. They were good. And they tasted suspiciously familiar. And so, when I was at Target last Sunday, I bought a bag of the Creme de Menthe Kisses to do a comparison.

The packing, in an attempt to mislead innocent shoppers, is quite different. The wrapping on each individual mint truffle kiss is quite a different green. But once opened, you can see that they look amazingly similar.

And the filling. It is the same. I call foul, Hersheys!

Just kidding. I don't care. They're both good. And just in case you were wondering, the recipe on the back (the SAME recipe on both packages) is good, too.

And finally, Patrick would like to wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day.

He advises you not to drink too much.

Posted by Molly at 10:41 PM EDT

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I thought I would follow the last post with my 'resolutions' for 2010 (pronounced 'twenty-ten'). I was going to do 110 for 2010. I got distracted after typing up 11 and I have not revisited that little endeavor. But one of the 11 was to blog more. So to that end, I will cop out by posting photos!

Dec. 28, 2008	Dec. 27, 2009

Posted by Molly at 3:07 PM EST

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1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
You know, we sort of took it easy in 2009 after getting married and buying a house in 2007 and then having a baby in 2008. Ooh I know one thing I did: took my baby on an airplane. That was interesting.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I am pretty sure I didn’t make any last year, but if I had, it would have been to get skinny, which I didn’t, and I will resolve to do so next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! The closest was my LLL Sarah. There will be more babies in 2010 as well.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What places did you visit?
Not very many. We took Patrick to Pennsylvania in March, my brother and I went to Baltimore/DC in June (I think) to see the Orioles and Riverdance, we went to the beach in August, and James and I took an “anniversary” trip to Colorado in September. Oh, and we just spent a day visiting the Detroit airport, which was not what you’d call a planned vacation.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Sleep.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Uh. I can’t remember anything, really.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My Project 365: Patrick endeavor.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My plan to get in shape, first by the beach, then by our Colorado trip. Now it’s for mine and Sarah’s spring training trip. She just had a baby in September, I can’t let her look better than me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not anything serious, but oh man, daycare colds SUCK. And I did get my first doctor’s note in years, even though I told him I didn’t need one. (I had the stomach flu.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
We went looking for new kitchen cabinets and came home with a couch. I am not thrilled about its position in our living room but it is quite comfy, I have to say.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Patrick…he learned so many things…and he will celebrate if you say “yay!” :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People trying to push the horrible health care bill.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills bills bills. The mortgage, formula, diapers. Blah.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was excited by the trips we took. And then I was excited to come home!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I am not sure it has huge associations with the year 2009 but I really like “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? About the same, I tend to worry a lot about everything and it’s unproductive.
b) thinner or fatter? I suppose thinner, since I had just given birth at this time last year.
c) richer or poorer? We probably have about the same amount of money in our accounts, but more in retirement and less debt so … richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2009?
We opened our presents for our little family of three here at home and James made biscuits and gravy, then we went to my parents’ house for more presents and turkey dinner. Then we were going to take Patrick to PA to see his relatives but the lake effect snow had other ideas, hence the trip to the Detroit airport.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Sort of, I guess, if you count Patrick. I don’t think that would be the traditional answer, though.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones, I suppose. TV disappointed me for the most part in 2009.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2009?
I had a cold. It sucked. James got me a full body massage and a facial though.

24. What was the best book you read?
Ah, yes, I used to do this thing called reading. I’ll go with The Girl with No Shadow by Joanne Harris.

25. What did you want and get?
I’ll give the materialistic weasel answer: the quilt I had been coveting from Pottery Barn! (Thanks Mom!)

26. What did you want and not get?
We did not get to a good place with our budgeting.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think we only went to three or four movies the whole year. The last one I saw was It’s Complicated which was a decent way to spend two hours but not really a great movie or anything like that.

28. Did you make some new friends this year?
Yes. And I reconnected with some people and got closer to some people.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Reassurance that Patrick is totally normal even if his mother is a paranoid freak.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
“Do I have any stains on my shirt? No? Good to go, then.”

31. What kept you sane?
Coffee.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hmm. I got nothing.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
I avoid thinking about politics as it makes me angry.

34. Who did you miss?
WM.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
When it comes to life lessons, I’m a slow learner.

Posted by Molly at 10:36 AM EST

Updated: Mon 01/11/2010 3:11 PM EST

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Lo these many years ago, circa 1987, a movie came out. It was called "Bull Durham." It featured a minor league baseball team based in Durham. They played at the Durham Athletic Park, which was a pathetic little minor league ballpark for the Class-A Carolina League that was old and TOTALLY AWESOME. There was a Ballpark Corner store, actually located on the corner, by the ballpark. Durham was kind of sketchy, so you had to be careful where you parked. The Bulls were affiliated with the Atlanta Braves, who really sucked at the time. Nonetheless, Molly became a Braves fan sort of by default since the Bulls players occasionally made it up to the big leagues and played for those very same Braves. (Also, TBS.)

In 1991, Molly experienced a life-changing moment. She went to a big league game, at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium. The Braves were playing the Pirates, and a left-handed pitcher named Tom Glavine happened to be starting (and finishing) that day. One complete game later and Molly was a fan for life.

Molly went on with her life, pursuing a career in baseball and achieving slight success. Tom Glavine went on with his life, achieving much more success and even, dare we say, baseball immortality. Molly attended college and moved away from home. On one of her visits back to Durham, her mom casually mentioned that she had been out shopping and had seen something that she just had to get. It was an Atlanta Braves onesie. Molly was a bit taken aback; she had entertained no thoughts of future childbearing. Molly's mom put the onesie away.

Molly, interning for the Houston Astros, had to endure numerous taunts about Tom Glavine from her boss who hated the Braves, (before and) since they and especially Sid Bream had broken his Pirate-loving heart in October of 1992.

Molly remained steadfast in her love of Tom Glavine, however, and then he started Game 2 of the NLDS against the Astros at Enron Field in October 2001.

In the elevator going down to the field, Molly's boss said, "I'm not even going to ask you who you're rooting for."
Molly replied, "I hope Tommy goes eight shutout innings, and the Astros win in the ninth."
Molly's boss laughed, short, and said, "If he goes eight, we're done."

He went eight. The Braves won, 1-0.

Molly's boss let her go to the interview room post-game because he was really a pretty nice guy underneath all the taunting. And so Molly got to watch Tom Glavine's postgame interview. When he was done, he walked past her -- within inches! -- on the way out as B.J. Surhoff (Tar Heel) was walking in, and he said, "Go get 'em Beej."

BUT THEN Tom Glavine, author of None but the Braves, LEFT ATLANTA to go play in New York. Molly was devastated.

Though Molly was working in Memphis at the time, she went to the 2004 All-Star Game in Houston and watched Tom Glavine and his little left-handed son play long toss in the outfield. He pitched a scoreless inning in the game.

Tom Glavine went about his business and eventually, finally, won that 300th game.

Meanwhile, Molly moved back to North Carolina, got married, and had a baby.

And Tom Glavine re-signed with Atlanta, to finish his career with the Braves, as it should be. Molly's baby was a boy, and he would be big enough for his Braves onesie in June. Molly was thrilled. There was a small snag, when Glavine's surgically repaired left arm needed more time to get up to speed (sort of), but he rehabbed in the minors (sadly, the Bulls were no longer affiliated with the Braves) and he was all set to make his season debut on June 7. Life was beautiful.

But then! THE BRAVES RELEASED TOM GLAVINE ON JUNE 2. Patrick wore his onesie anyway, in a show of defiance and, in his own way, a show of support for Tom Glavine.

Posted by Molly at 5:05 PM EDT

Updated: Fri 03/10/2023 12:52 PM EST

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[scene: Molly & James on couch, watching "Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels." Patrick in bouncy seat.]

James: I think he should pick Mindy. I like her or Taya. And whoever that one is with the tattoo on her ... lower stomach area ... that points to her ... uh ...
Molly: I have stretch marks there. That's like the same thing.

Posted by Molly at 3:15 PM EST

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