I think that it is funny there is a song about Tim McGraw, firstly because he's still a current figure, not a historic icon or something like that; and secondly because I do think of somebody when I think Tim McGraw.

-----

Continuing my "Being Meredith Grey" theme, I seem to have misplaced my black panties. The last time I remember having them was in the hotel room in New Orleans, but I don't think any of the guys who paraded through there (only one of whom I did anything with, thank you, except kissing, I did kiss two of them, although actually one I was really drunk and not aware of it, and HE STARTED IT) would have taken them. I'm not sure, though, and that sounds better than if I lost them somewhere boring, like in the course of doing laundry or something...

Posted by Molly at 7:30 PM EST

Updated: Mon 11/27/2006 4:42 PM EST

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(Added bonus: this is a shining example of the work of Jesus Ortiz, not that you care.)

Here is a fun article that I found on MSN. I see that it is in the "men" section, but it's about eye contact, which is not exactly just a men's issue. Anyway.

I just have to make it through today and tomorrow and then manage to get up early on Friday, and then it is on. (!)

I am off to write a cover letter and update my resume. 

Posted by Molly at 1:17 PM EDT

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Those pesky Redbirds are at it again, annoying me as they are wont to do. (I guess that’s a good distraction, though.) Today’s article in the Commercial Appeal illustrates the point I made (in an earlier post, which I don't feel like looking up right now) about how the nice writers don’t write game stories (I hope there was a sidebar, because if not, the score was all the readers got) and brings up another point that annoys me, even though it probably shouldn’t.

Here’s the thing. The president/GM considers himself a baseball purist. (Which is good! I appreciate this!) This means that he does not like on-field promotions. In principle, this is okay, too, because, yes, I happen to think that you should come to watch the game, because the game is what’s important. And when I worked there in Memphis, my goal (which I didn’t reach, but I tried) was to run things like they run them in the Majors. Since there are no dizzy bat races in Major League Baseball, it follows that you should not have them in minor league baseball.

Except.

Minor league baseball is different! At some point, you have got to accept that you are not in the Majors. (This sucks for the players, as well as the employees, unless you aspire to the minors, which, well maybe some of the front office does, but probably not the players. I digress.) And the president/GM, in the article (see, I am making a point, really!), says, "I've always maintained that people don't really come to AutoZone Park for the baseball, but for the entertainment value, the family experience, for a group outing."

They do, in fact. Most normal people (unlike, say, me) do not go to baseball games to watch the games. They go to drink the (overpriced) beer and eat the (overpriced) hot dogs and nachos, and talk to their friends, and to watch other drunk adults spin around on a bat and then weave over toward first base while trying not to fall into the dugout. And might I add, the Redbirds have cheerleaders. They don’t want to do promotions, but they have cheerleaders. Yeah, that’s pure baseball for you. Anyway.

Now that I am not working in baseball, I go watch the games like a good little fan. And the highlight of any Durham Bulls game is usually the sumo wrestling. Or figuring out which player is not in the lineup because he got arrested, or suspended for throwing his bat at the umpire, or whatever the latest off-field occurrence was, but, you know, you can’t bank on that drawing the fans. (Heh.) But the team is boring to watch. And if I say that, then it is bad. Because I will watch bad baseball, just because it’s baseball, but I cannot get into the Durham Bulls this season. I think it is because they are affiliated with Tampa Bay, and it’s just not good.

Back to the Redbirds. From the article, again: “[The president/GM] does not like these typical minor-league gimmicks for several reasons: They can disrupt the flow of the game, they hold the potential for problems if some fan wants his ‘15 minutes of fame,’ and the ‘integrity of the game on the field is the backbone of what we do,’ he said.” (Integrity of the game. RedHots cheerleaders. These things, they do not match.)

And here’s a quote that I’m pulling out because it’s funny: "I don't like that stuff, either," [the manager] said. "And I don't think any of the players do. Ring-around-the Rosie by adults jumping in chairs is kind of childish." (He was described in an earlier article as displaying his “customary earnestness” and that is very true.)

So, in sum: the Redbirds front office believes that it is about the baseball, so they do not have “gimmicky” between-inning games. But they also think that people do not come out to see the baseball; rather, they come for the atmosphere. And the Redbirds are all about the integrity of the game on the field, but they let cheerleaders trot out there every other inning. (And I don’t think the players mind that, I have to tell you.)

This all seems to run counter to common sense. If people don’t come to see the baseball, then give them something to come for. They should accept that they are a minor league team and just do the damn promotions, and if I have to put up with the cheerleaders, then so be it. As long as they don’t have an on-field emcee. (Yes, Durham Bulls, I’m looking at you.) Because that is just dumb.

(Okay, and I have to admit that I did enjoy the article today. The articles are usually decent. It’s just that they’re not about the game.)

Posted by Molly at 11:32 AM EDT

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So, I went to a party last night, a party where there was bountiful alcohol, and I decided to partake of the harvest. (Heh.) I wasn't really planning to get drunk, but I wasn't really planning to stay sober, it was more of a play-it-by-ear thing, which was okay since I knew I didn't have to drive home. I got there, there was a (surprising) trigger event, and there were jello shots, and that was that.

The problem with me being drunk is not that I'm a bad drunk. I get a little pensive, I get a little louder, I'm more apt to actually say what I'm thinking, leading to fun participation in conversations regarding hot topics like relationships and religion and abortion. This is all fine. The problem is not the drunk dialing; there's only one phone call that I shouldn't have made, but he's drunk dialed me before, and we can do that to each other and it's fine, and he probably got a kick out of it, because I don't usually get drunk. No, that is not the problem. The problem is that I think, a lot, and then I remember what I was thinking, and then I act on it when I am sober. That, my friends, is the problem with me being drunk. (That, and waking up the next morning.) Oh well. Whatever happens, happens, no?

Ooh, the Red Sox have re-taken the lead! I am so sick of the stupid Yankees. Every day they are on TV. It's okay when it's Boston-New York, because that, that is a rivalry, but I swear the only team that has consistently been on TV lately is the Yankees, despite the fact that the Orioles are on TSN and the Braves are on TBS. (The Braves used to be on TBS more often, dammit.)  

Tom Glavine better not be hurt, or I will be pissed.

T-minus 12 days and counting till I go to New Orleans.

Posted by Molly at 11:32 PM EDT

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There are three of them, three guys with whom I guess I sort of have unfinished business, and I can't let them go. 

I keep dreaming about them.

***

When we were driving back from the mountains, Norah and I had a conversation about fate, you know, whether things were meant to be, or if you could control your own destiny, as it were. And I don't know what I think. I like to think there's a grand plan, whether it's God, or fate, or destiny, whatever you want to call it. Things happen, where it's like there's just too much to be coincidental. Or a certain sequence happens, and you don't realize it at the time, but when you look back, it just amazes you how many things had to happen "just so" for the end result to be what it was. And you know how people say "it just happened"? Well, sometimes, that's true. Really. (Yeah, I know what you're thinking -- "What? You just tripped and happened to fall on top of him?" -- but I'm telling you how I feel.) It's like there's an unseen hand that's guiding you, and you don't really have a choice in the matter. So if I look at it that way, then I believe in fate, or God, or whatever your choice of religious entity is. But then there's the part where bad things happen to good people, and I just can't reconcile that. I know it's not my job to see the whole big picture, but it's hard to put your faith into something when you don't understand why bad things have to happen the way they do. For instance, why would God's plan include wars and terrorist attacks and suicide bombings and natural disasters where thousands of people die? I still hang on to the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, but, damn, I don't get it.

***

If you don't already think I'm nuts, you're going to if you keep reading. I'm just saying. Because I am about to extoll the virtues of the sound of a candle burning. There is a sound, it's a sound of (contained) fire, that is just calming. When it's a big, roaring fire, or a campfire, or whatever, you have the logs rustling and settling, and it's awesome. But little candles, they burn silently, but they have this aura, this sound of silence (...or something), that is incredibly relaxing. Yeah, I don't know.

***

Oh, I know! This will lighten things up: I was watching the NFL Hall of Fame induction ceremony on Saturday (I think it was Saturday), because I happened to see they were unveiling Reggie White's bust, and then I thought hey! I think Troy Aikman is in this HoF class! And I always liked Troy Aikman. (I think I have a thing for stoic athletes.) So I was flipping back and forth, waiting for and then watching Troy's speech (he choked up!) and then, across the bottom of the screen comes the notification that the Johnsonville Brat Eating World Championship would not be seen at this time but would be shown in its entirety later on ESPN2. I mean, I know we are in an era where ESPN will televise the spelling bee, but come on. Brat eating world championship?? (Additional funny note: ESPN headline for the winner was "Best of the Wurst." Heh.)

***

I am in talks regarding the purchase of a 10-game plan for the Hurricanes for the 06-07 season. (I am NOT a bandwagon jumper, shut up. I have ticket stubs from like five years ago.) And I kept saying that I wanted the Penguins game, because I wanted to see Sidney Crosby, and maybe the Capitals game, and by the way does Paul Kariya still play for Nashville, and then I realized that hockey is going to start again in less than two months. It is weird!

Posted by Molly at 6:51 PM EDT

Updated: Sun 08/20/2006 9:34 PM EDT

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Yeah, okay, so I'm a little late to this party. And I should be sleeping. But I never sleep when I should and, anyway, even if you've heard all this before, you'd rather hear it again than the entry I've got in my head. Believe you me. And Courtney picked me to do this, so I gotta. You know.

1. First Name? Molly.

2. Were you named after anyone? Nope. My parents just liked the name.

3. When did you last cry? I dunno. I think it was last Monday?

4. Do you like your handwriting? Usually. Sometimes it fascinates me, like when I look at something I wrote a year ago (or longer) because it changes, subtle changes, but they're there.

5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey.

6. Kids? I want them someday, but I am so not ready. I mean, first, I'd have to find the right man to father them. And then there's the fact that I had to shut the cat out of my bedroom this morning because she was annoying and I wanted to sleep, and you can't exactly do that with a kid.

7. With you? I don't like open-ended. I don't know what this means.

8. Do you have a journal? Damn straight. I usually write down the stuff that means the most, which often is what hurts the most, and as a result, I cannot re-read journal entries for several years. But hey, after that at least I can remember the good times.

9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Is the Pope Catholic? (Heh.)

10. Do you still have your tonsils? Yup. One summer I had strep throat three times, and the doctor said if I got it once more, they were gone, and that apparently cured me.

11. Would you bungee jump? Probably, but I wouldn't be the one planning it.

12. What is your favorite cereal? Toasted Oatmeal Squares. So versatile!

13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No.

14. If you were a vegetable, what kind of vegetable would you be? I can't do this right now.

15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Moose tracks. Oh, and Cherry Garcia from Ben & Jerry's.

16. Shoe Size? 8

17. Red or pink? Pink.

18. What is the least favorite thing about your self? I worry too much.

19. Who do you miss most? My idealistic self. (Ha! Sorry, I am in a weird mood, and I figured I'd spice it up a little instead of giving my usual answer, because IT NEVER CHANGES.)

20. Do you want everyone to send this back to you? Well, since I'm not actually sending it to anyone...

21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? I'm not currently wearing pants. Or shoes.

22. What are you listening to right now? The air conditioning.

23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Burnt sienna. Do they still make that one? I think it got discontinued. I loved that name though.

24. Favorite Smell? I have this really great apple pie candle. That wins for now.

25. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Sarah.

26. The first thing you notice about people you are attracted to? Their eyes. And then their hands.

27. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I keep telling Courtney we need to go out to dinner or drinking, and she keeps agreeing, and then nothing ever happens. But yes, I like her.

28. Favorite Drink? Alcoholic: Malibu and pineapple. Coffee: mocha valencia (damn you, B&N, for not carrying valencia syrup; that stuff is the shit). Other: Coke. Can't beat the real thing. I'm trying to quit, though.

29. Favorite Sport? Baseball. Ho-hum.

30. Eye color? Mine? Or my favorite? Mine are kind of greenish and hazel. My favorite is sort of a cross between melted chocolate and cinnamon.

31. Hat Size? I have a big head.

32. Do you wear contacts? No.

33. Favorite Food? Chocolate. Chocolate with mint is good. And I made this really great pasta on Saturday night, and I love it, which is a good thing, because I will be eating it all week.

34. Scary movies or happy ending? Happy endings.

35. Last movie you watched at the movie theater? Pirates of the Caribbean 2, I think. I am going to go see Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby. Those previews crack me up.

36. What color shirt are you wearing? Yeah, not wearing a shirt. For those of you keeping track, the only thing I am wearing is a pair of panties. They are green and have red flowers on them, if you were wondering.

37. Summer or Winter? I like all the seasons, when they start. But I am definitely over summer now. And last year, winter was kind of a joke, and that pissed me off, even if it turned out to be a good thing that I could wear a skirt and a tank top (and my fuck-me shoes) on Christmas Day.

38. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, but they have got to be good ones, and I am all for the kisses, too.

39. Favorite dessert? Oh, so much to choose from! I am currently craving peach crisp. I love chocolate mousse. And that dessert at Chili's, the chocolate chip pie? Yeah. Which reminds me, the chocolate souffle cake from CPK, that is AMAZING. Okay, I'm done now.

40. Who is most likely to respond? Hmm, let's go with Sarah. You better do it now, Sarah.

41. Least likely to respond? You know, I probably won't check to see if anybody else picked this up, so does it really matter? No.

42. What books are you reading? I just started reading a book about the origin of the baseball Hall of Fame. And I am about to re-read Salem Falls.

43. What's on your mouse pad? Don't have one. Laptop with the touch-mouse-thingy. (That's the technical term for it.)

44. What did you watch last night on TV? Technically, since it is past midnight, last night was Sunday, and I watched Grey's Anatomy, because I LOVE THAT SHOW.

45. Favorite sounds? I like being so close to someone that you can hear their heart beat. And it was always comforting to me growing up to hear the heat pump going on in the winter. Couldn't sleep until I heard it.

46. Rolling Stone or Beatles? I ... don't really care. Sorry.

47. The furthest you've been from Home? Whichever is furthest between Germany, Austria and Switzerland, and I'm too lazy to check that just now.

48. When and Where were you born? Seven weeks early, Durham County General Hospital.

49. Who sent this to you? I swiped it from Courtney, but you already knew that, didn't you?

Posted by Molly at 12:45 AM EDT

Updated: Mon 08/07/2006 12:50 AM EDT

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Haha! Did you see how funny I am? I said I would tell you all about my camping trip last Monday. And here it is, one week later. My internet access has been spotty, at best, and, well, I have been working a lot, and I know there is no excuse, but it's true! I have lots of astute observations on the state of my life, which you do not want to hear, but which I will tell you about anyway, LATER.

For now, in its first-draft/rough form: The Great Camping Trip of 2006.

Posted by Molly at 12:23 PM EDT

Updated: Sun 08/06/2006 12:31 PM EDT

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I am pretty sure that my new job and I are not a match. Part of my job, the part where I actually get to do cool stuff like web design and writing, and editing, that'll work. But the other part, the "administrative" part? Yeah, not so much. I will hate it, and I will resent it, and it will stress me out. And I will try to think positively about it (well, as much as I can), but there's only so much I can do. And I can't change my personality; there are some tasks that I am always and forever going to hate, and these are the tasks that I am going to be forced to spend half my time doing.

Aside from all that, there is the environment. It is so corporate, and SO, SO serious. Everyone there, they care so much, they're so passionate about it, and I. Just. Don't. Care. What the company does, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. (Assuming I had my dream job, in baseball, now that wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things either, but the beauty of it is that everybody knows it and people don't delude themselves into thinking they are saving the world or some shit like that.) But everybody there is so stressed out, and ALL THE FUCKING DETAILS, OH MY GOD, and I can't help but be stressed out, too. And I do not want to be stressed, especially for something that I am decidedly not passionate about. I don't know.

Anyway. You know how when you start to like somebody, and then they look at you, with a little grin, or they touch you, and they've touched you before, but it's different, somehow, and you think, hmm, maybe something is going to happen, and your heart speeds up and you get a little jolt in the pit of your stomach? (Or whatever feeling you get. That's what happens to me.) This should not still be happening five years and change after you started liking somebody, particularly when that somebody is a person who you have not really seen on a regular basis in three years, and who does not like you like that, and who says he wants to be your friend, but his definition of "friend" is obviously quite different than yours. And yet. It still does. I don't really get it, it's not like I still want him, even, but it's there. I am blaming it on the trashy romance novel I am currently reading. Which is making me think about memorable ... er ... encounters that I've had, the two most memorable being the very first and the most recent, although in between I probably got the best, but ... okay, that's enough. Not really what I had planned when I started this.

Orchid watch: hasn't bloomed yet, but it's almost there. It makes me really happy, which I guess just goes to show you that it can be the simple things in life. Or, that I haven't gotten a decent amount of sleep in months.

I need to figure out how to be happy.

Posted by Molly at 10:45 PM EDT

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