So. Hi. Been awhile. Going to try to get better about that, but -- I know, I know -- you've heard that one before.

This one is in grand mommyblogging tradition, here, but it cracked me up this morning. (And no, we're not potty training. Not really. Not yet. I don't know.)

Patrick wakes up.

Molly: Hey, buddy. Do you need to go potty?

Patrick: [points downstairs]

We go downstairs, and -- oh, what the hell -- into the bathroom, where I sit Patrick upon his own special mini throne.

Patrick: [sits there, looking around. Nothing happens.]

Patrick: Up!

Molly: Do you want to get up? Are you all done?

Patrick: All done!

He gets up and stands on the rug in front of the shower. And pees.

Molly: Patrick! You're supposed to do that in the potty!

Patrick: [picks up his potty and hands it to me. Smiles.]

Posted by Molly at 3:11 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Last year, in late March, I spied a bag of Creme de Menthe Hershey Kisses on clearance at Target. I bought them. They were good. Last Christmas, I spied a bag of Mint Truffle Hershey Kisses at Target. I bought them. They were good. And they tasted suspiciously familiar. And so, when I was at Target last Sunday, I bought a bag of the Creme de Menthe Kisses to do a comparison.

The packing, in an attempt to mislead innocent shoppers, is quite different. The wrapping on each individual mint truffle kiss is quite a different green. But once opened, you can see that they look amazingly similar.

And the filling. It is the same. I call foul, Hersheys!

Just kidding. I don't care. They're both good. And just in case you were wondering, the recipe on the back (the SAME recipe on both packages) is good, too.

And finally, Patrick would like to wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day.

He advises you not to drink too much.

Posted by Molly at 10:41 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

I thought I would follow the last post with my 'resolutions' for 2010 (pronounced 'twenty-ten'). I was going to do 110 for 2010. I got distracted after typing up 11 and I have not revisited that little endeavor. But one of the 11 was to blog more. So to that end, I will cop out by posting photos!

Dec. 28, 2008	Dec. 27, 2009

Posted by Molly at 3:07 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
You know, we sort of took it easy in 2009 after getting married and buying a house in 2007 and then having a baby in 2008. Ooh I know one thing I did: took my baby on an airplane. That was interesting.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I am pretty sure I didn’t make any last year, but if I had, it would have been to get skinny, which I didn’t, and I will resolve to do so next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! The closest was my LLL Sarah. There will be more babies in 2010 as well.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What places did you visit?
Not very many. We took Patrick to Pennsylvania in March, my brother and I went to Baltimore/DC in June (I think) to see the Orioles and Riverdance, we went to the beach in August, and James and I took an “anniversary” trip to Colorado in September. Oh, and we just spent a day visiting the Detroit airport, which was not what you’d call a planned vacation.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Sleep.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Uh. I can’t remember anything, really.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My Project 365: Patrick endeavor.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My plan to get in shape, first by the beach, then by our Colorado trip. Now it’s for mine and Sarah’s spring training trip. She just had a baby in September, I can’t let her look better than me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not anything serious, but oh man, daycare colds SUCK. And I did get my first doctor’s note in years, even though I told him I didn’t need one. (I had the stomach flu.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
We went looking for new kitchen cabinets and came home with a couch. I am not thrilled about its position in our living room but it is quite comfy, I have to say.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Patrick…he learned so many things…and he will celebrate if you say “yay!” :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People trying to push the horrible health care bill.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills bills bills. The mortgage, formula, diapers. Blah.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was excited by the trips we took. And then I was excited to come home!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I am not sure it has huge associations with the year 2009 but I really like “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? About the same, I tend to worry a lot about everything and it’s unproductive.
b) thinner or fatter? I suppose thinner, since I had just given birth at this time last year.
c) richer or poorer? We probably have about the same amount of money in our accounts, but more in retirement and less debt so … richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2009?
We opened our presents for our little family of three here at home and James made biscuits and gravy, then we went to my parents’ house for more presents and turkey dinner. Then we were going to take Patrick to PA to see his relatives but the lake effect snow had other ideas, hence the trip to the Detroit airport.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Sort of, I guess, if you count Patrick. I don’t think that would be the traditional answer, though.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones, I suppose. TV disappointed me for the most part in 2009.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2009?
I had a cold. It sucked. James got me a full body massage and a facial though.

24. What was the best book you read?
Ah, yes, I used to do this thing called reading. I’ll go with The Girl with No Shadow by Joanne Harris.

25. What did you want and get?
I’ll give the materialistic weasel answer: the quilt I had been coveting from Pottery Barn! (Thanks Mom!)

26. What did you want and not get?
We did not get to a good place with our budgeting.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think we only went to three or four movies the whole year. The last one I saw was It’s Complicated which was a decent way to spend two hours but not really a great movie or anything like that.

28. Did you make some new friends this year?
Yes. And I reconnected with some people and got closer to some people.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Reassurance that Patrick is totally normal even if his mother is a paranoid freak.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
“Do I have any stains on my shirt? No? Good to go, then.”

31. What kept you sane?
Coffee.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hmm. I got nothing.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
I avoid thinking about politics as it makes me angry.

34. Who did you miss?
WM.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
When it comes to life lessons, I’m a slow learner.

Posted by Molly at 10:36 AM EST

Updated: Mon 01/11/2010 3:11 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Lo these many years ago, circa 1987, a movie came out. It was called "Bull Durham." It featured a minor league baseball team based in Durham. They played at the Durham Athletic Park, which was a pathetic little minor league ballpark for the Class-A Carolina League that was old and TOTALLY AWESOME. There was a Ballpark Corner store, actually located on the corner, by the ballpark. Durham was kind of sketchy, so you had to be careful where you parked. The Bulls were affiliated with the Atlanta Braves, who really sucked at the time. Nonetheless, Molly became a Braves fan sort of by default since the Bulls players occasionally made it up to the big leagues and played for those very same Braves. (Also, TBS.)

In 1991, Molly experienced a life-changing moment. She went to a big league game, at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium. The Braves were playing the Pirates, and a left-handed pitcher named Tom Glavine happened to be starting (and finishing) that day. One complete game later and Molly was a fan for life.

Molly went on with her life, pursuing a career in baseball and achieving slight success. Tom Glavine went on with his life, achieving much more success and even, dare we say, baseball immortality. Molly attended college and moved away from home. On one of her visits back to Durham, her mom casually mentioned that she had been out shopping and had seen something that she just had to get. It was an Atlanta Braves onesie. Molly was a bit taken aback; she had entertained no thoughts of future childbearing. Molly's mom put the onesie away.

Molly, interning for the Houston Astros, had to endure numerous taunts about Tom Glavine from her boss who hated the Braves, (before and) since they and especially Sid Bream had broken his Pirate-loving heart in October of 1992.

Molly remained steadfast in her love of Tom Glavine, however, and then he started Game 2 of the NLDS against the Astros at Enron Field in October 2001.

In the elevator going down to the field, Molly's boss said, "I'm not even going to ask you who you're rooting for."
Molly replied, "I hope Tommy goes eight shutout innings, and the Astros win in the ninth."
Molly's boss laughed, short, and said, "If he goes eight, we're done."

He went eight. The Braves won, 1-0.

Molly's boss let her go to the interview room post-game because he was really a pretty nice guy underneath all the taunting. And so Molly got to watch Tom Glavine's postgame interview. When he was done, he walked past her -- within inches! -- on the way out as B.J. Surhoff (Tar Heel) was walking in, and he said, "Go get 'em Beej."

BUT THEN Tom Glavine, author of None but the Braves, LEFT ATLANTA to go play in New York. Molly was devastated.

Though Molly was working in Memphis at the time, she went to the 2004 All-Star Game in Houston and watched Tom Glavine and his little left-handed son play long toss in the outfield. He pitched a scoreless inning in the game.

Tom Glavine went about his business and eventually, finally, won that 300th game.

Meanwhile, Molly moved back to North Carolina, got married, and had a baby.

And Tom Glavine re-signed with Atlanta, to finish his career with the Braves, as it should be. Molly's baby was a boy, and he would be big enough for his Braves onesie in June. Molly was thrilled. There was a small snag, when Glavine's surgically repaired left arm needed more time to get up to speed (sort of), but he rehabbed in the minors (sadly, the Bulls were no longer affiliated with the Braves) and he was all set to make his season debut on June 7. Life was beautiful.

But then! THE BRAVES RELEASED TOM GLAVINE ON JUNE 2. Patrick wore his onesie anyway, in a show of defiance and, in his own way, a show of support for Tom Glavine.

Posted by Molly at 5:05 PM EDT

Updated: Fri 03/10/2023 12:52 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

[scene: Molly & James on couch, watching "Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels." Patrick in bouncy seat.]

James: I think he should pick Mindy. I like her or Taya. And whoever that one is with the tattoo on her ... lower stomach area ... that points to her ... uh ...
Molly: I have stretch marks there. That's like the same thing.

Posted by Molly at 3:15 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Dear Patrick,

I had an idea of what I was in for when I had a baby and committed to breastfeeding (or trying) for at least three months (which is why I waited 28 years to get pregnant). But what I did not count on was this tendency of yours to eat until you appear sated, until you appear drunk on milk, smiling (gas, whatever) and drooling and nearly asleep, and then, when I try to move you, you turn into a squalling ball of distress. I think half the time you just like sucking on something. The other half you are still legitimately hungry, which is okay, but dammit, just eat. Don't tease your mother into thinking you are done.

Because you do this, I am going to tell the internet that you like your balls blow-dried. The reason I know this is because you had diaper rash, and I read that I should clean your little bum with warm water and blow it dry. So I dutifully tried this, and buddy, you love it. Now whenever I can't get you to stop crying, I blow dry your balls. It works like a charm. Every time. They won't do that at daycare, by the way, and I bet your future girlfriends won't like this little habit of yours.

Always remember, son, payback's a bitch.

Love,
Mommy

Posted by Molly at 2:24 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Dear Patrick,

Today you discovered your thumb. You had been cramming your entire fist into your mouth, then you sort of realized that maybe an index finger was sufficient. But today, today you tried to suck on your index finger and accidentally stuck it up your nose instead -- and voila! Your thumb was in your mouth. I think it was just because you couldn't figure out how to remove your finger from your nose. You really are Daddy's boy. I was so proud.

Love, Mommy

p.s. Please stop crying.

Posted by Molly at 9:51 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

or, Why I Might Choose Differently Should I Find Myself In This Situation Again

~~~~~

Phlebotomist: So, just to verify, you weigh 1xx?
Molly: [OH MY GOD NO WAY PLEASE NO] Uh, well, I had asked not to be told but if that's what my chart says, I'm sure it's right.
P: Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know.
M: That's okay.
P: You don't look like you weigh that much. I would never guess that. I mean, look at me. I wish I weighed that.

~~~~~

Phlebotomist: Is it okay if I put this tape on your arm?
Molly: Sure.
P: You have really hairy arms.
M: ...
P: I do too. I'm part Native American. But I never thought I would meet anyone who had hairier arms than me.
M: Huh.
P: And I have sideburns, too, see?

~~~~~

Nurse: So how have you been feeling?
Molly: Well, I had a cold over the weekend, so that wasn't fun, but I feel fine.
N: On a scale of 0-10, what's your pain?
M: Uhh....zero?
N: Is this your first?
M: Yes.
N: So you don't know how bad it's going to get.
M: Erm. ... No. ... My mom said she had an easy time of it. I'm hoping I will too.
N: You know that's not genetic.
M: Well, yes, but I'm hoping.
N: My mother was only in labor for two hours but it took me 24.
M: Mmm.
N: (looking at chart) So you're, what, 27-28 weeks?
M: Um...almost 32.
N: [walks out]

~~~~~

Posted by Molly at 11:58 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

I really meant to do this a long time ago.

Here we have six weeks (in my streaky mirror at home in the bathroom) and 26 weeks (in DC on Labor Day). I really should have been more mindful of the wrinkles in the six-weeks shot, as it makes me look rather poochy. I could have done five weeks instead; it's a smoother silhouette, but I'm not wearing the pink tank top and also I liked the parallels of 6 and 26. I'm weird like that.

*Today is 31 weeks, 5 days. 31 was also Bo Hart's number the year I worked for the Redbirds. Ah, good times. Anyway, getting back to my point, I have photos from my baby shower over the weekend but I haven't uploaded them yet. Hopefully I will do so this weekend, but based on my track record, I might not post them until the baby's here...

Posted by Molly at 9:44 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink