if you ever want to find me I can still be found
last person who

1. slept in your bed besides you? you know, I'm not sure. I let people stay here while I was out of town. and when I was out of town, I shared a bed with Sarah.
2. saw you cry: actually it's been a while since I cried (!) might have been all the way back to when it was Lynn and Beth at work
3. went to the movies with you? Nancy...she bought my ticket because that's how bad she wanted to see the Da Vinci Code...and I don't usually turn down free movie tickets
4. you went to the mall with? Sarah...in Schaumburg, Illinois
5. you went to dinner with? my family
6. you talked on the phone? my mom, I think. Nancy called me earlier this morning but I was asleep
7. said 'i love you' to you and really meant it? Sarah
8. broke your heart? ha! haha! it was Alex. not the worst broken heart I've ever suffered, but still not fun.
9. made you laugh? umm...my mom, when she was looking at vacation pictures of herself. ("Oh! I am ... old! And ... fat!")

would you rather?

1. pierce your nose or tongue? nose
2. be serious or be funny? funny, but all too often I am serious
3. drink whole or skim milk? skim
4. die in a fire or drown? neither, although I suppose I would be more afraid of fire
5. spend time with your parents or enemies? 'rents. we get along. and I don't think I have any enemies, except maybe in Memphis. and I would never voluntarily spend any time with him (them?).

are you..

1. simple or complicated? complicated. obviously.
2. gay? no
3. hardcore? nah but sometimes I pretend

do you prefer. .

1. flowers or candy? chocolate. and flowers. ha!
2. gray or black? black
3. color or black and white photos? sepia. no, I'm just kidding. usually color, although sometimes I really like black and white.
4. lust or love? long term? love. short term? well, I give in to lust occasionally, even though I know I shouldn't. it's fun. damn. I have issues.
5. sunrise or sunset? sunset
6. m&ms or skittles? m&m's. peanut.
7. staying up late or waking up early? staying up late

answer truthfully

1. do you like anyone? I like a lot of people. do I like anyone like that? umm...sort of.
2. do they know it? I think so, but I haven't actually said it.

do you prefer...

1. sun or moon? depends
2. winter or fall? fall
3. left or right? right
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? two best friends
5. sun or rain? both are absolutely necessary. sometimes I just need it to be cloudy and rainy.
6. vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? chocolate
7. vodka or jack? vodka

about you!

1. what time is it? 11:48 am
2. name? Molly
3. nickname(s): mooly, molls, mollster...those are the ones I hear the most...the other ones are obscure
4. where were you born? durham
5. what is your birthdate? 4/23/1980
6. what do you want? to be happy
7. where do you want to live? not here
8. how many kids do you want? I have no idea
9. what would you want to name a girl? Natalie...but this is something that changes and I haven't really thought about it in a while
10. what would you want to name a boy? I dunno...I could defer to his daddy
11. you want to get married? yes

unique!

1. nervous habits: obsessively checking my email, eating chocolate chip cookie dough, cleaning...
2. are you double jointed? no
3. can you roll your tongue? yes
4. can you raise one eyebrow? yes, and it is fun
5. can you cross your eyes? yes
6. do you make your bed daily? well, I sort of pull up the comforter
7. which shoe goes on first? I think right, but I really have never paid attention
8. ever thrown one at someone? kicked one at someone
9. on the average, how much money do you carry with you? usually don't have cash. I think I have $4 in my wallet right now, though.
10. what jewelry do you wear? watch, ring (on my right hand), three earrings, does my belly button ring count?

other

1. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
2. have you ever eaten spam? no. or if I did, I blocked it out.
3. favorite ice cream: anything chocolate
4. how many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? three (Special K, Oatmeal Squares, Honey Nut Cheerios)
5. what's your favorite beverage? can't beat the real thing...although I'm trying
6. do you cook? yeah but not as often as I'd like...I have two jobs and therefore little time, and also little motivation to cook for one person

in the last month, have you? (yes or no)

1. had a b/f or g/f? no
2. bought something you didn't need: yes. of course
3. sang in front of people: yes, but only in the car
4. been kissed: really kissed? no. it's been like five weeks. damn. time flies even when you aren't having fun.
5. been hugged: yes
6. felt stupid: yes, hourly
7. missed someone: big YES
8. got drunk: no. I don't think. the last time I got drunk was also about five weeks ago.
9. got high: no
10. danced crazy: no
11. gotten your hair cut: yes, but I may get it cut again shortly. I can never figure out what to do with it.
12. cried: no. felt like it a couple of times, but no.
13. lied: ...yes. but not over anything big and important. mostly at work, and also, if the question is "do I look fat in this?" can you really blame me?

p.s. where have you gone, Rod Brind'Amour's playoff beard?? go Canes. :)

remember the way that I used to be

Also: he did it again! :) More later.

taking the long way
Rod Brind'Amour has got to have one of the best hockey names around. (Whenever I hear his name, it makes me think of that old ESPN commercial about Guy LaFleur where the guys are like, "It means ... flower?") Now, he's no Brendan Shanahan, who has the coolest name ever, but it's close.

Okay. This has been happening for quite some time. When I was in Memphis, it pissed me off, and even now that I have nothing to do with the team, it still pisses me off. The thing is, the Commercial Appeal writers seem to dislike writing game stories about the Redbirds. This is not across the board, just some guys, but they do it fairly consistently. I don't know if it's an editorial directive or what, but if you read these stories, you wouldn't even know they had played a game. Today's paper told of the changes coming up player development-wise, because the team, well, it kind of sucks so far, but there were nice quotes from the player development guys. (And, oh, by the way, the Redbirds lost, gave up four runs in the last two innings, but no biggie.) Yesterday, we got the team's response to Barry Bonds. (And, oh, hey, yeah, guess what! They won. Almost pitched their first shutout, but who really cares?) The day before that, there must not have been any really good features for anyone to think of because there was actually a game story, although come to think of it, it sort of read like a feature on Brian Falkenborg. The way the guys used to do it was to come out to the ballpark early, get their quotes, write up a nice feature, and then the second the game was over, toss in a paragraph about the action so they could make it home before most of the fans did. They're well-written articles, but they don't cover the game. (The year I was there, our beat writer wrote game stories, bless him, but then he went on vacation and then covered football during the month of August, and it all went downhill from there.) I like a good feature as much as anyone, really, I do, but you need to do that in addition to the game story. The guys who cover the Durham Bulls understand this. They write game stories, good ones, when the team's at home, and then features on Sundays. It works. So anyway, that still pisses me off.

I was thinking about it yesterday, and I realized that I can't really call TLB "TLB" anymore, because he's not, exactly, although he still kind of is, but really the latest boy is actually the boy from before (TBFB...heh), and he's sort of ... intangible? I don't know. He's not here, we're not going to end up together, but, I mean, you have to give credit where credit is due, right? I always said he and I only had a physical thing, but that's not entirely true. It's mostly true, but we're friends, too, and I care about what happens to him, so there's some emotional involvement. Just no emotional entanglement! But anyway, I think TLB will remain TLB because, well, that's just his acronym now. Even though I said his name, and it's not like anybody cares anyhow. I thought about him yesterday, and thought that I hoped he was doing well, and that he was happy, and then I got irritated at myself for still caring.

pat on the back and better luck next time
I'm still sort of feeling blog-blocked. But I have a lot of little things to say, so today we will have blurbs.

This is why Paul Lo Duca is suddenly my second-favorite New York Met: "We owed [Tom Glavine] this win. He arguably could be 8-0, if you think about it. He's thrown that well, so we owed him this one." Are you paying attention, Willie Randolph?

I love that the Astros fans gave Russ Springer a standing ovation for hitting Barry Bonds, but it does make me remember how they booed Dierker in 2001 when he was intentionally walking Barry. That was a shitty thing to do, fans. Aren't you all ashamed of yourselves now?

In some (annoying) ways, job interviewers are a lot like guys: "We'll call you by the end of the week, no matter what." And then you never hear from them again. My God, it's not like you even want to be friends with an interviewer -- can't they just be honest? "We'll call you if you're selected," that's all they have to say.

One day last week, I heard this song, and it stopped me cold. I don't usually listen to the radio, because I sort of have ADD when it comes to changing the stations and also, I HATE radio commercials, but, the thing is, I had had the same CDs in my car for something like three months, so ... radio! I had actually never heard the song before, but I realized that it just had to be the song that TLB had on his myspace page for a while. (I made myself stop looking at it, and then I went to Iowa, and that ... helped the situation, shall we say, so I don't know how long it was on there for. I just now checked and it isn't there anymore. But ANYWAY.) I chuckled, bitterly, way back when I saw it because the title is "Hate Me" and I was like, Damn, I can't even do that for him. But I hadn't listened to it, until I did, and then I realized that it was perfect.

Moving on to the next point, still related, the song is about this dude (with mad issues) who is taking responsibility for all his selfish relationship mistakes, BUT he's STILL being selfish in the damn song. Okay, you need space, you want me to hate you, but why is it all about you? What about what I want?

Another related point: One of my pet peeves is how people will decide they know what's best for you and impose it on you. HWMNBN did this, he was all, "Oh, you don't want me, you'll be better off without me, you'll find someone better," and I went off on him, because how the fuck would he know? Is he God? (But, I mean, I'm over him now. Except I emailed him today. And I'll care if he doesn't write back. Fuck.) And then he told me about the other woman he said the very same thing to, and I'm betting we're not the only two. It's like you're making this major effort to not be the bad guy (not that only guys do it; I'm sure women do, too, although I, personally, have not), to make it seem like you're still doing something for me, and I should be grateful, and it's not your fault. Well, you're not doing it for me, and I'm not grateful. And it IS your fault. So there.

Anyway. The season finale of Grey's Anatomy was awesome. Because I am a hopeless romantic who also happens to be stupid when it comes to men, I want Meredith and McDreamy to get back together. OBVIOUSLY they are meant for each other. And the chemistry is amazing, and that sex scene? OH, SO HOT. (I'm not horny or anything.) I was reading the forums over at TWOP and all these people are up in arms over it, but I loved it. The way I figure it, everyone has been in a situation where they want someone who is unavailable, for whatever reason, and usually, they never get to have that person. That's reality, so when I'm watching TV, I want the star-crossed lovers to get together. Also, everyone's had that situation, where you know you shouldn't do something but it is going to be so good, and you just do it anyway (see: Iowa) so, more power to you, Meredith and McDreamy. I just don't get why his wife would want to stay with him after she realized that he is in love with someone else. I mean, they have both committed adultery, so I guess if you still wanted to save the marriage after that, sure, give it a chance, but if your husband is actually in love with someone else? Not so much.

save a horse, ride a cowboy
So. I'm experiencing blog block. I have many things to say, but I don't know if I'm quite ready to put them out there. SURVEY TIME!

1. how tall are you barefoot?
about 5'2", which is why I really enjoy wearing three- to four-inch heels. I remember once when I was in college, I met my friend's roommate, and her first words to me were, "Wow, you're short. But you're lucky, because that means you can have sex with the short ones AND the tall ones."

2. have you ever smoked heroin?
no.

3. do you own a gun?
no.

4. rehab?
no.

5. do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"????
doesn't everybody?

6. what do you think of hot dogs?
I eat them at baseball games.

7. what's your favorite christmas song?
"Tender Tennessee Christmas," by Amy Grant. I've actually never experienced a Tennessee Christmas, but I have lived in Tennessee.

8. what do you prefer to drink in the morning?
flavored coffee.

9. do you do push-ups?
no. I used to but now I'm lazy.

10. have you ever done ecstasy?
no.

11. do you kiss on the first date?
sometimes. if the connection's there.

12. do you like painkillers?
when they are necessary.

13. what is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I don't really use secret weapons. just the obvious ones.

14. do you own a knife?
well, yes. I have silverware and also a couple of steak knives.

15. do you have a.d.d.?
I don't think so, but I think most people have some of the characteristics of ADD. I do tend to multi-task. and right now I have seven windows open on my computer.

16. date of birth?
April 23, 1980.

17. top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
i. I love this show.
ii. I wish [a certain person] were here with me RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.
iii. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. And I never want to go to [a certain job] EVER AGAIN.

18. name the last 3 things you have bought:
i. gas.
ii. peach iced tea.
iii. groceries at Target!

19. name five drinks you regularly drink:
i. tea.
ii. orange cappuccino.
iii. Coke.
iv. water.
v. milk.

20. what time did you wake up today?
my alarm went off at 6:30. I think I actually woke up around 2 p.m., when I had been at work for six hours.

21. current hair?
needs to be cut.

22. current worry?
that I won't be happy.

23. currently who do you hate?
(most of) the Memphis Redbirds front office. but it's kind of a latent hatred, doesn't really manifest itself.

24. favorite place to be?
in the arms of someone I love. or lust after. or who is my gay boyfriend. I like good hugs, okay? and spooning, EVEN THOUGH I HATE THAT WORD WITH AN UNHOLY PASSION.

25. least favorite place to be?
worky work work.

26. where would you like to go?
everywhere. I'm going to Chicago in a couple of weeks. I think London is where I might go next. At least internationally. possibly Nashville or New Orleans, domestically...

27. do you own slippers?
no. I had a great pair that my friend Katherine gave me a loooong time ago, that I loved, and when they wore out I didn't replace them.

28. where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
hopefully not here.

29. do you burn or tan?
tan, if I'm careful.

30. last thing you ate?
a Ghirardelli raspberry-filled dark chocolate square.

31. would you be a pirate?
no, but I'd hang out with Captain Jack Sparrow for a day.

32. last time you had an alcoholic drink?
um. I believe it was last Saturday night, or possibly Sunday, very early morning. in Iowa.

33. what songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't.

34. what did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
burglars. and fire.

35. what's in your pockets right now?
I'm wearing yoga pants that don't have pockets.

36. last thing that made you laugh?
"desperate housewives."

37. best bed sheets you had as a child?
I don't remember. the best sheets I've ever had are the ones that are currently on my bed. I LOVE THEM.

38. worst injury you've ever had?
I broke my leg in third grade. that's probably it. also I've needed three stitches in my head on two separate occasions.

39. how many tvs do you have in your house?
one. and I'm getting cable soon! possibly this week!

40. who is your loudest friend?
uh...I don't know. Sarah can get loud when she drinks.

41. who is your most silent friend?
Kristen, probably.

42. does someone have a crush on you?
someone would like to sleep with me and doesn't ever seem to tire of telling me so. does that count?

43. what is your favorite book?
"squeeze play" ... but that's not an all-time favorite. I don't know what is. maybe I haven't read it yet.

44. what is your favorite candy?
peppermint patties.

45. what song do you want played at your wedding?
I want to get married on the beach by a JP and that's all I know.

46. what song do you want played at your funeral?
I don't suppose it matters to me, really. it's more about the people who are still alive and what they want.

47. what were you doing at 12am last night?
sleeping. I was really really tired.

48. do you love the pain of tattoos?
I would have to say no. I don't have one and I don't want to fact the pain to get one. nothing means that much to me.

for the next time we'll be here seems like a million years

when you think of me

and the thunder rolls
Random thoughts:

I don’t like Willie Randolph. Sometimes you can actually pitch to Barry Bonds, like the opposite of every time it occurs to you, buddy. Stupid. Speaking of which: Keith Hernandez. Are you kidding me?

One of my co-workers, who apparently falls into the realm of “hockey fanatic” and who has already informed me that he will be taking me to games next October, said that the Hurricanes were going to sweep the Canadiens. He said that was a prediction from ESPN or something, and he agreed. I said no, I didn’t think they would sweep. As it turns out, I was right, but I also didn’t think they would lose the first two games at home and look bad doing it. I never publicly said that (until now) so I’m not accepting responsibility for being wrong there.

Free cherry soda is really good, takes me back to my childhood (when I drank Faygo Red Pop, oh my God, I might die soon), but it is probably very, very bad for me.

I talked to this guy yesterday, and he sounded like someone who I have decided I should never see again. (I decided this in December, so you can figure that one out for yourself.) It made me miss him.

My alarm is set to the radio, which is set to the local country station (shut up), and this morning it came on in the middle of “What Hurts the Most,” and while I think Rascal Flatts is annoyingly and almost unbearably whiny, the songs that they sing ALWAYS get to me. Because they are true. And I can never decide if it’s good that other people feel these things too, or if it’s bad, because then what you felt wasn’t really that special or unique after all.

I need a new crush, and the only guy who's even tickling my fancy is a bad, bad idea, in so many ways. I need a crush because I am not moving on (which is another Rascal Flatts song...sort of). And today that thing happened, that thing when you're talking to your friend of the opposite sex, and you have that thought, you know the one, where you think, hmm, maybe this guy... but no. No, you can't think that. The last time I had that thought, I ignored my gut instinct and finished the thought (about a week later) and look where that got me.

and it came upon me wave on wave
Fun fact: The Carolina Hurricanes record prior to Feb. 8th was 38-12-4, good for a winning percentage of .704. The Carolina Hurricanes record after Feb. 8th was 14-10-4, a winning percentage of .500. That's not as impressive. (I am master of the obvious!)

Tom Glavine, 04.19.06: "I was happy with it. I wasn't happy with how it ended." Amen.

How is it that you can simultaneously never want to see someone ever again and yet regularly miss that person so much it hurts? (That can be about whoever you want it to be about.)

no ace left in the hole
Sunday is my birthday. I'll be 26, and that feels old. I don't know.

Last year, to mark my 25th year of existence, Sarah took me out to dinner. We went to the Macaroni Grill, because that bread they give you as an appetizer, IT IS DIVINE. I would go for that alone. But I also wanted a birthday bellini, and Macaroni Grill, for your birthday, gives you this huge piece of chocolate cake covered with hot fudge sauce and toasted pecans (I think) with real whipped cream on the side. It is one of the top two restaurant chocolate cakes ever (also the chocolate souffle cake from CPK). The last time I did the Macaroni Grill thing for my birthday, which was probably five years ago or so, they brought out the cake, very low key, ate it. Yay. (Actually now that I think about it, it couldn't have been five years ago because that's when I turned 21, and I was working for the Astros, and Tom Glavine was pitching against them, which actually became a source of much embarrassment later on, but I am getting way off track.) Back to the Macaroni Grill. Sarah and I are eating, and then, across the room, the waiters start clapping, and singing, in Italian of course, for some guy's birthday on the other side of the restaurant. I immediately realize two things: (1)if I want the cake, I will have to endure the operatic happy birthday, and (2)hey, that guy just stole my thunder! Anyway, we finish our meal and Sarah says, to our server, "Hey, by the way, it's her birthday." And not two minutes later the opera-singing guy is coming over and asking my name. ("You can make something up if you want. Most people do.") I tell him, he sings, I blush. But I get the sweet, sweet reward: my chocolate cake, with a cute little candle in it.

That was actually the day before my birthday, because that was when I was still working for the Redbirds (now 1-11, love it!), and we started a homestand on my birthday. So I had to work. After work, I felt like drinking. Heavily. But I didn't want to go out because mostly the bars in Memphis suck, or the people in them do, so yeah. So, Sarah and I decided to just go watch movies at my apartment, while drinking heavily. (Okay, fine, I'm boring. I don't care.) We commence drinking. She is going to make me a cake, a deep dark chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, that I absolutely adore. I check my e-mail and look for cheap travel fares out of Memphis while she is in the kitchen. Which means that I am not really paying attention to what she's doing. Set the timer, continue drinking. Timer goes off. Cake's done. Sarah calls me over to look at it, because she's not sure if it's done. I stick a knife in it to test, 'cause I don't have any toothpicks. And it's a white cake. We then have the following conversation:

M: This is a white cake.
S: It is not.
M: Yes, it is. Look at it.
S: But I followed the recipe.
M: The recipe is for deep dark chocolate cake. This is white. Did you forget to add the cocoa?
S: No! I did not forget the cocoa!
M: You did! Hahaha. You forgot the cocoa!
S: No I did not. I opened it just for that.
M: Well maybe you opened it and then forgot to put it in.
S: (grabs recipe book) No, see, here it is, I added it right where it said to...here...3/4...oh. It says 3/4 of a cup. I might have added 3/4 of a teaspoon.

We ate it anyway, and it was good. And then we drank some more, and Sarah started calling random people, which was fine, until she made me talk to the Leffer, at which point she got mad because she likes him but he's an idiot, and he was talking to me instead of demanding to speak to her again, AND THEN, while I was in the bathroom, she went into my phone and found a number she shouldn't have and called Warren, while lying to me and telling me it was the Leffer. Fun times!