put me in coach, I'm ready to play

Those pesky Redbirds are at it again, annoying me as they are wont to do. (I guess that’s a good distraction, though.) Today’s article in the Commercial Appeal illustrates the point I made (in an earlier post, which I don't feel like looking up right now) about how the nice writers don’t write game stories (I hope there was a sidebar, because if not, the score was all the readers got) and brings up another point that annoys me, even though it probably shouldn’t.

 

Here’s the thing. The president/GM considers himself a baseball purist. (Which is good! I appreciate this!) This means that he does not like on-field promotions. In principle, this is okay, too, because, yes, I happen to think that you should come to watch the game, because the game is what’s important. And when I worked there in Memphis, my goal (which I didn’t reach, but I tried) was to run things like they run them in the Majors. Since there are no dizzy bat races in Major League Baseball, it follows that you should not have them in minor league baseball.

 

Except.

 

Minor league baseball is different! At some point, you have got to accept that you are not in the Majors. (This sucks for the players, as well as the employees, unless you aspire to the minors, which, well maybe some of the front office does, but probably not the players. I digress.) And the president/GM, in the article (see, I am making a point, really!), says, "I've always maintained that people don't really come to AutoZone Park for the baseball, but for the entertainment value, the family experience, for a group outing."

 

They do, in fact. Most normal people (unlike, say, me) do not go to baseball games to watch the games. They go to drink the (overpriced) beer and eat the (overpriced) hot dogs and nachos, and talk to their friends, and to watch other drunk adults spin around on a bat and then weave over toward first base while trying not to fall into the dugout. And might I add, the Redbirds have cheerleaders. They don’t want to do promotions, but they have cheerleaders. Yeah, that’s pure baseball for you. Anyway.

 

Now that I am not working in baseball, I go watch the games like a good little fan. And the highlight of any Durham Bulls game is usually the sumo wrestling. Or figuring out which player is not in the lineup because he got arrested, or suspended for throwing his bat at the umpire, or whatever the latest off-field occurrence was, but, you know, you can’t bank on that drawing the fans. (Heh.) But the team is boring to watch. And if I say that, then it is bad. Because I will watch bad baseball, just because it’s baseball, but I cannot get into the Durham Bulls this season. I think it is because they are affiliated with Tampa Bay, and it’s just not good.

 

Back to the Redbirds. From the article, again: “[The president/GM] does not like these typical minor-league gimmicks for several reasons: They can disrupt the flow of the game, they hold the potential for problems if some fan wants his ‘15 minutes of fame,’ and the ‘integrity of the game on the field is the backbone of what we do,’ he said.” (Integrity of the game. RedHots cheerleaders. These things, they do not match.)

 

And here’s a quote that I’m pulling out because it’s funny: "I don't like that stuff, either," [the manager] said. "And I don't think any of the players do. Ring-around-the Rosie by adults jumping in chairs is kind of childish." (He was described in an earlier article as displaying his “customary earnestness” and that is very true.)

 

So, in sum: the Redbirds front office believes that it is about the baseball, so they do not have “gimmicky” between-inning games. But they also think that people do not come out to see the baseball; rather, they come for the atmosphere. And the Redbirds are all about the integrity of the game on the field, but they let cheerleaders trot out there every other inning. (And I don’t think the players mind that, I have to tell you.)

 

This all seems to run counter to common sense. If people don’t come to see the baseball, then give them something to come for. They should accept that they are a minor league team and just do the damn promotions, and if I have to put up with the cheerleaders, then so be it. As long as they don’t have an on-field emcee. (Yes, Durham Bulls, I’m looking at you.) Because that is just dumb.

 

(Okay, and I have to admit that I did enjoy the article today. The articles are usually decent. It’s just that they’re not about the game.)

being drunk's a lot like loving you

So, I went to a party last night, a party where there was bountiful alcohol, and I decided to partake of the harvest. (Heh.) I wasn't really planning to get drunk, but I wasn't really planning to stay sober, it was more of a play-it-by-ear thing, which was okay since I knew I didn't have to drive home. I got there, there was a (surprising) trigger event, and there were jello shots, and that was that.

The problem with me being drunk is not that I'm a bad drunk. I get a little pensive, I get a little louder, I'm more apt to actually say what I'm thinking, leading to fun participation in conversations regarding hot topics like relationships and religion and abortion. This is all fine. The problem is not the drunk dialing; there's only one phone call that I shouldn't have made, but he's drunk dialed me before, and we can do that to each other and it's fine, and he probably got a kick out of it, because I don't usually get drunk. No, that is not the problem. The problem is that I think, a lot, and then I remember what I was thinking, and then I act on it when I am sober. That, my friends, is the problem with me being drunk. (That, and waking up the next morning.) Oh well. Whatever happens, happens, no?

Ooh, the Red Sox have re-taken the lead! I am so sick of the stupid Yankees. Every day they are on TV. It's okay when it's Boston-New York, because that, that is a rivalry, but I swear the only team that has consistently been on TV lately is the Yankees, despite the fact that the Orioles are on TSN and the Braves are on TBS. (The Braves used to be on TBS more often, dammit.)  

Tom Glavine better not be hurt, or I will be pissed.

T-minus 12 days and counting till I go to New Orleans.

what it is that won't let me go

There are three of them, three guys with whom I guess I sort of have unfinished business, and I can't let them go. 

I keep dreaming about them.

***

When we were driving back from the mountains, Norah and I had a conversation about fate, you know, whether things were meant to be, or if you could control your own destiny, as it were. And I don't know what I think. I like to think there's a grand plan, whether it's God, or fate, or destiny, whatever you want to call it. Things happen, where it's like there's just too much to be coincidental. Or a certain sequence happens, and you don't realize it at the time, but when you look back, it just amazes you how many things had to happen "just so" for the end result to be what it was. And you know how people say "it just happened"? Well, sometimes, that's true. Really. (Yeah, I know what you're thinking -- "What? You just tripped and happened to fall on top of him?" -- but I'm telling you how I feel.) It's like there's an unseen hand that's guiding you, and you don't really have a choice in the matter. So if I look at it that way, then I believe in fate, or God, or whatever your choice of religious entity is. But then there's the part where bad things happen to good people, and I just can't reconcile that. I know it's not my job to see the whole big picture, but it's hard to put your faith into something when you don't understand why bad things have to happen the way they do. For instance, why would God's plan include wars and terrorist attacks and suicide bombings and natural disasters where thousands of people die? I still hang on to the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, but, damn, I don't get it.

***

If you don't already think I'm nuts, you're going to if you keep reading. I'm just saying. Because I am about to extoll the virtues of the sound of a candle burning. There is a sound, it's a sound of (contained) fire, that is just calming. When it's a big, roaring fire, or a campfire, or whatever, you have the logs rustling and settling, and it's awesome. But little candles, they burn silently, but they have this aura, this sound of silence (...or something), that is incredibly relaxing. Yeah, I don't know.

***

Oh, I know! This will lighten things up: I was watching the NFL Hall of Fame induction ceremony on Saturday (I think it was Saturday), because I happened to see they were unveiling Reggie White's bust, and then I thought hey! I think Troy Aikman is in this HoF class! And I always liked Troy Aikman. (I think I have a thing for stoic athletes.) So I was flipping back and forth, waiting for and then watching Troy's speech (he choked up!) and then, across the bottom of the screen comes the notification that the Johnsonville Brat Eating World Championship would not be seen at this time but would be shown in its entirety later on ESPN2. I mean, I know we are in an era where ESPN will televise the spelling bee, but come on. Brat eating world championship?? (Additional funny note: ESPN headline for the winner was "Best of the Wurst." Heh.)

***

I am in talks regarding the purchase of a 10-game plan for the Hurricanes for the 06-07 season. (I am NOT a bandwagon jumper, shut up. I have ticket stubs from like five years ago.) And I kept saying that I wanted the Penguins game, because I wanted to see Sidney Crosby, and maybe the Capitals game, and by the way does Paul Kariya still play for Nashville, and then I realized that hockey is going to start again in less than two months. It is weird!

and I don't see how you could ever be

Yeah, okay, so I'm a little late to this party. And I should be sleeping. But I never sleep when I should and, anyway, even if you've heard all this before, you'd rather hear it again than the entry I've got in my head. Believe you me. And Courtney picked me to do this, so I gotta. You know.

1. First Name? Molly.

2. Were you named after anyone? Nope. My parents just liked the name.

3. When did you last cry? I dunno. I think it was last Monday?

4. Do you like your handwriting? Usually. Sometimes it fascinates me, like when I look at something I wrote a year ago (or longer) because it changes, subtle changes, but they're there.

5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey.

6. Kids? I want them someday, but I am so not ready. I mean, first, I'd have to find the right man to father them. And then there's the fact that I had to shut the cat out of my bedroom this morning because she was annoying and I wanted to sleep, and you can't exactly do that with a kid.

7. With you? I don't like open-ended. I don't know what this means.

8. Do you have a journal? Damn straight. I usually write down the stuff that means the most, which often is what hurts the most, and as a result, I cannot re-read journal entries for several years. But hey, after that at least I can remember the good times.

9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Is the Pope Catholic? (Heh.)

10. Do you still have your tonsils? Yup. One summer I had strep throat three times, and the doctor said if I got it once more, they were gone, and that apparently cured me.

11. Would you bungee jump? Probably, but I wouldn't be the one planning it.

12. What is your favorite cereal? Toasted Oatmeal Squares. So versatile!

13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No.

14. If you were a vegetable, what kind of vegetable would you be? I can't do this right now.

15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Moose tracks. Oh, and Cherry Garcia from Ben & Jerry's.

16. Shoe Size? 8

17. Red or pink? Pink.

18. What is the least favorite thing about your self? I worry too much.

19. Who do you miss most? My idealistic self. (Ha! Sorry, I am in a weird mood, and I figured I'd spice it up a little instead of giving my usual answer, because IT NEVER CHANGES.)

20. Do you want everyone to send this back to you? Well, since I'm not actually sending it to anyone...

21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? I'm not currently wearing pants. Or shoes.

22. What are you listening to right now? The air conditioning.

23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Burnt sienna. Do they still make that one? I think it got discontinued. I loved that name though.

24. Favorite Smell? I have this really great apple pie candle. That wins for now.

25. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Sarah.

26. The first thing you notice about people you are attracted to? Their eyes. And then their hands.

27. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I keep telling Courtney we need to go out to dinner or drinking, and she keeps agreeing, and then nothing ever happens. But yes, I like her.

28. Favorite Drink? Alcoholic: Malibu and pineapple. Coffee: mocha valencia (damn you, B&N, for not carrying valencia syrup; that stuff is the shit). Other: Coke. Can't beat the real thing. I'm trying to quit, though.

29. Favorite Sport? Baseball. Ho-hum.

30. Eye color? Mine? Or my favorite? Mine are kind of greenish and hazel. My favorite is sort of a cross between melted chocolate and cinnamon.

31. Hat Size? I have a big head.

32. Do you wear contacts? No.

33. Favorite Food? Chocolate. Chocolate with mint is good. And I made this really great pasta on Saturday night, and I love it, which is a good thing, because I will be eating it all week.

34. Scary movies or happy ending? Happy endings.

35. Last movie you watched at the movie theater? Pirates of the Caribbean 2, I think. I am going to go see Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby. Those previews crack me up.

36. What color shirt are you wearing? Yeah, not wearing a shirt. For those of you keeping track, the only thing I am wearing is a pair of panties. They are green and have red flowers on them, if you were wondering.

37. Summer or Winter? I like all the seasons, when they start. But I am definitely over summer now. And last year, winter was kind of a joke, and that pissed me off, even if it turned out to be a good thing that I could wear a skirt and a tank top (and my fuck-me shoes) on Christmas Day.

38. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, but they have got to be good ones, and I am all for the kisses, too.

39. Favorite dessert? Oh, so much to choose from! I am currently craving peach crisp. I love chocolate mousse. And that dessert at Chili's, the chocolate chip pie? Yeah. Which reminds me, the chocolate souffle cake from CPK, that is AMAZING. Okay, I'm done now.

40. Who is most likely to respond? Hmm, let's go with Sarah. You better do it now, Sarah.

41. Least likely to respond? You know, I probably won't check to see if anybody else picked this up, so does it really matter? No.

42. What books are you reading? I just started reading a book about the origin of the baseball Hall of Fame. And I am about to re-read Salem Falls.

43. What's on your mouse pad? Don't have one. Laptop with the touch-mouse-thingy. (That's the technical term for it.)

44. What did you watch last night on TV? Technically, since it is past midnight, last night was Sunday, and I watched Grey's Anatomy, because I LOVE THAT SHOW.

45. Favorite sounds? I like being so close to someone that you can hear their heart beat. And it was always comforting to me growing up to hear the heat pump going on in the winter. Couldn't sleep until I heard it.

46. Rolling Stone or Beatles? I ... don't really care. Sorry.

47. The furthest you've been from Home? Whichever is furthest between Germany, Austria and Switzerland, and I'm too lazy to check that just now.

48. When and Where were you born? Seven weeks early, Durham County General Hospital.

49. Who sent this to you? I swiped it from Courtney, but you already knew that, didn't you?

having so much to say

Haha! Did you see how funny I am? I said I would tell you all about my camping trip last Monday. And here it is, one week later. My internet access has been spotty, at best, and, well, I have been working a lot, and I know there is no excuse, but it's true! I have lots of astute observations on the state of my life, which you do not want to hear, but which I will tell you about anyway, LATER.

For now, in its first-draft/rough form: The Great Camping Trip of 2006.

the promise of you, it sleeps in the air

I am pretty sure that my new job and I are not a match. Part of my job, the part where I actually get to do cool stuff like web design and writing, and editing, that'll work. But the other part, the "administrative" part? Yeah, not so much. I will hate it, and I will resent it, and it will stress me out. And I will try to think positively about it (well, as much as I can), but there's only so much I can do. And I can't change my personality; there are some tasks that I am always and forever going to hate, and these are the tasks that I am going to be forced to spend half my time doing.

Aside from all that, there is the environment. It is so corporate, and SO, SO serious. Everyone there, they care so much, they're so passionate about it, and I. Just. Don't. Care. What the company does, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. (Assuming I had my dream job, in baseball, now that wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things either, but the beauty of it is that everybody knows it and people don't delude themselves into thinking they are saving the world or some shit like that.) But everybody there is so stressed out, and ALL THE FUCKING DETAILS, OH MY GOD, and I can't help but be stressed out, too. And I do not want to be stressed, especially for something that I am decidedly not passionate about. I don't know.

Anyway. You know how when you start to like somebody, and then they look at you, with a little grin, or they touch you, and they've touched you before, but it's different, somehow, and you think, hmm, maybe something is going to happen, and your heart speeds up and you get a little jolt in the pit of your stomach? (Or whatever feeling you get. That's what happens to me.) This should not still be happening five years and change after you started liking somebody, particularly when that somebody is a person who you have not really seen on a regular basis in three years, and who does not like you like that, and who says he wants to be your friend, but his definition of "friend" is obviously quite different than yours. And yet. It still does. I don't really get it, it's not like I still want him, even, but it's there. I am blaming it on the trashy romance novel I am currently reading. Which is making me think about memorable ... er ... encounters that I've had, the two most memorable being the very first and the most recent, although in between I probably got the best, but ... okay, that's enough. Not really what I had planned when I started this.

Orchid watch: hasn't bloomed yet, but it's almost there. It makes me really happy, which I guess just goes to show you that it can be the simple things in life. Or, that I haven't gotten a decent amount of sleep in months.

I need to figure out how to be happy.

Lo these many months ago, I posted an entry in which I explained my theory that if I could get one aspect of my life on track, then I would be happy. And then I got one aspect of my life on track, and I was happy. For, like, a day, and then it went off track again, but that's beside the point, which is that even though I thought my theory had been proved right (small sample size notwithstanding), I was wrong. Because, see, now I have again got an aspect of my life on track, only this time, it's my "career" that I've got on track, not my personal life, and I am not happy. On the contrary, in fact. I don't seem to be able to stop myself from crying.

I don't do well with getting jobs. It depresses me. The only time getting a job didn't depress me was when I got the internship with the Astros. After that, I got an internship offer from Rice, and I cried, and cried, and cried, and HWMNBN helplessly laughed at me because he didn't know what to do because I was so depressed, and it didn't really make sense. (So he made an off-color Bill Clinton joke.) After that, I got a "real" job, and, you know, it was good to get a job, because I needed the money, but was I happy? No. It was a mind-numbingly boring job that a monkey could have done, and I knew it. Following that, I got the job in Memphis, and I cried, and cried, and cried in the Memphis airport after I told them I would take it. Now, this actually was because it was Memphis, which as far as cities go, SUCKS DONKEY BALLS, and also because I really liked Houston, and I didn't want to leave, but I kind of had to, because by that point, HWMNBN had left, and I wasn't going to get over it, and I wasn't getting anywhere in Houston. The job in Memphis was one that I wanted, so that was a little bit different, but the end result was the same: I got a job offer, and I was depressed. When I moved back to Durham and got the evil, horrible retail job, it was not a particularly happy thing. Again with the: yay! money!, but the job? Not so much. (The money not so much, either, as it turned out.) And that brings us to now, when I have received a job offer. Two of the people who interviewed me told me that I shouldn't take the job just because it was a "real" job, that if I didn't like it, I didn't need to take it, I could keep doing what I had been doing over there, which would be more marketing and less support crap, and I laughed inside, hollowly, because my career idealism is gone, and I just need the damn money, and since I hate the job I have now, what would be the harm in getting another job I hate? I didn't think I would hate it, just that I wouldn't like it, but in the two weeks since I have officially accepted the job offer, I have been incredibly depressed. I feel trapped, like now I will be stuck here, because I can't leave a real job, with a decent salary and good benefits, unless I have another comparable one to go to, but, my God, I have got to get out of here. Out of this town, out of this state, out of my life, whatever. So I feel trapped, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are going to be parts of this job that I will hate with a passion, because I know my personality, and that's just the way it is. (Self-fulfilling prophecy, my ass. Shut up.) And I don't care about the things that I should care about to do this job. I mean, I will do it, because I have to, but not because I want to, so that's not really ideal. The problem being that I don't know what I want to do. If you ask me what my ideal job is, I could tell you, but I don't know if it exists. I would happily accept less, but similar, but I can't get those jobs, God knows I have been trying for a year now, give or take a few months when I was happy with my personal life and therefore overall or when I was working 60-some hours a week and didn't have time to do job searchy things.

So, in sum, I don't know what to do. I will be upping the job search, looking for something that I want to do, although to be honest with you, I don't like to work. I don't have a problem doing nothing. I am not one of those people who needs a career. What I need is ... well, we don't need to talk about that, actually. But what I need, I don't have, so this is a problem.

In (most likely) unrelated news, I had a dream last night that TLB wrote me a letter, stating that while his best friend liked to have relationships, he really just wanted to date a lot of people, and in fact, he had been dating a girl named Olivia (I think) for the last six weeks, and that meant it was time to stop seeing her. And he just wanted to let me know. I don't know why I dreamed that. Maybe to inform me that I have commitment issues over jobs (so I guess I can see why people would have commitment issues over relationships) but that was already obvious to me. I also do not for the life of me understand why I am still thinking about TLB. He does not want anything to do with me, ever, and while I don't like it, I do see it. (The way that sentence would flow better would be to say that while I don't like it, I do get it, but I don't "get" it, because I still want to know why. I want to know what I did wrong and why he can't stand the sight of me.) And I want to know why I think of him in certain situations, or places, or whatever, when I probably don't cross his mind. And I had that moment of blissful happiness in Iowa, and I have a new crush, and I still think of TLB. Dammit. 

And this entry was much, much better in my head. Sorry. I am stunned to report that my orchid is about to bloom again, so I will have some pictures of that soonish, probably.

the stars at night are big and bright
Today, I got a real job. [Cue fireworks.]

Though it doesn't officially start until July 24, and though I won't see an official paycheck until two weeks after that, I decided to go on a shopping spree to (1)celebrate and (2)buy professional-looking clothes. And because I decided to actually spend money, there was nothing to buy. NOTHING. I got a sweater that will come in handy in, oh, say, three or four months, and a matching pair of panties. (Hee! Not like they were paired up. They just happened to match.)

I am happy about this (the job, I mean, although of course the sweater and matching panties are great), but I probably should be happier.

I am very happy about Tom Glavine's presence at the All-Star Game, even if he won't be pitching. Love him.

'cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do
Last night (or maybe it was the night before...I'm not quite sure), I dreamed that I was pregnant with the child of one of my exes. Imagine my dismay when I then discovered that I had the name of another ex prominently tattooed on my ass. And while staring into the mirror, I thought, "Oh, God, now everyone will know." As I was not really thinking about either ex, I really have no idea why I dreamed this. Here is what it says about tattoos in the online dream dictionary that I googled:

To dream that you have tattoos, signifies that some urgent and difficult business will call you away from your home for an extended period of time. It may also signal a new stage in your life.

Here is what it says about pregnancy:

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

So, I still have no idea what that means. My subconscious does not seem to remember that I do not like ambiguity; I need to know things.

I saw the Stanley Cup on Friday, at the Durham Bulls game. Since I am a big dork, I thought it was really cool, and even passed up a girls night out at the sex toy store to go. (Although it turns out they didn't go and we are going to go later. The Bulls were playing the Richmond Braves, and Dax Norris is STILL playing in the Atlanta organization. And Kevin Witt got a triple, which is sort of astounding, actually, but the Bulls lost anyway. They kind of suck. I can't get into them.)

And, there were post-game fireworks:

and I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
(almost) 105 not-so-interesting facts about me
because what else am I going to do? sleep?

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
no, but I would like one, one day.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
not long enough...or too long, hmm.

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
I dunno. cash, I think.

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
yes. this is a stupid question. who hasn't dropped a cell phone?

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
um?

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
shoes. food.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
two chocolate chip cookies. homemade, even.

8. FIRST THING(s) YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
wrist. okay, not really. usually. eyes, I guess, but really, first impressions are the whole package. (heh...package).

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
"wide open spaces," dixie chicks.

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
morrisville.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
c.e. jordan.

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
verizon.

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
I always go to j crew but then I don't usually find anything to buy. maybe the gap?

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?:
no.

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
no. I've only ever done that a couple of times. I have issues about bothering people, see.

17. LAST WEDDING YOU WENT TO?
I bet it was Kristen's and that was a while ago.

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
Nancy.

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
end of may, in chicago.

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
taco bell.

21. FAVORITE ANIMAL:
well, I now own a cat. but in the abstract, I'd have to go with penguin.

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
I don't care. there was this great place in memphis (dare I admit) called zoe's. in general, I suppose my favorite restaurant is the macaroni grill. I don't know.

24. CAN YOU COOK?
yeah, but I usually don't.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
a ford escort.

26. BEST KISSER:
I think I gotta go with TBFB. there was something about his lips.

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
about a week ago, when I watched "tristan and isolde," which also made me cry when I saw it in the theatre.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
MUSHROOMS.

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
my self-deprecating wit and sarcastic cynicism.

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
I second-guess everything.

31. LONGEST WORK SHIFT?
well I worked 16 hours today but that was over two jobs. in baseball you work really really long hours, especially if they play extra innings. one time in memphis they played extra innings and it rained.

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
"love actually."

34. CAN YOU SING?
oh no. not at all.

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
no clue. jimmy buffett? rem?

36. LAST KISS?
heh. TBFB.

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
I made my brother rent "the family stone" a couple of weeks ago. I just yesterday bought "underworld."

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
keys.

39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:
the beach, I suppose. although the best vacation I ever went on was to europe, and any baseball vacation is cool.

40-42... I have this theory that random questions disappear from surveys because that particular question was too embarrasing for somebody answering the survey. Why not just make up your own questions? like... well... hmmmm... i guess it's not as easy as it looks.

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
laptop.

44. Favorite comedian?
I don't really have a favorite comedian. sorry!

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
hell no. it is vile and disgusting and I don't understand why people do it. this has always been something of a sore subject for me, as both my grandmothers died as a direct result of smoking.

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
I prefer without.

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
no one. sad clown!

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
you know, they can for some people. I could probably do it, I think, but I wouldn't want to. I'd move.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
I plead the fifth.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
french toast. with cinnamon bread.

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
if it's flavored and sweetened until it's unrecognizable as coffee, then yes. :)

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
sunny side up.

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
no but I still read my horoscope on a fairly regular basis.

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
Nancy.

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
...Nancy.

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
four, although two are mostly decorative.

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
pajama pants. that's it and that's all.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
"that one last shot's a permanent vacation/ and how high can you fly with broken wings?" (aerosmith).

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?
raspberry.

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
sort of. I mean, I know the angle I need to hit it at, it just doesn't always work out.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
I passed the swim test at Carolina.

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM
chocolate.

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
not really, no. we don't get along.

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
sometimes I live in the past too much.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
you know, I am still waiting to hear about Brooks' pirate party.

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON:
fall. maybe.

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
sometime tonight.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
like 6, but that was too early so I dozed until 6:45, at which time I had to get up, and that SUCKED.

72. BEST THINGS ABOUT WINTER?
sitting around a fire and hot drinks.

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET:
never, and I'm knocking on wood right this very second.

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
yeah, no, we don't need to go there.

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?
eh.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
working, and probably going to a movie, and I think some of us are planning a trip to the sex toy shop.

78. BIRTHDATE:
4/23/1980

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
happy.

80-84... you know, you can't call it a 105 question survey when there are 10 questions missing.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
yes.

87. ARE YOU SMILING?
no.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
I miss several someones right now, and I wish I didn't miss some of them. but some, it's okay.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
well I want to visit london, and ireland, and paris, and italy, and australia, and ... you get the idea.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
no, and I wouldn't go back there if you paid me. well, okay, I would if you paid me, but it would have to be a lot. you know that movie "never been kissed"? yeah.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
not exactly.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
actually I really like the name "siobhan" but lots of people would have issues with pronunciation, because lots of people are stupid. and I must of course add that as far as hockey names go, I adore "brendan shanahan" and also "rod brind'amour." also "the finnish flash" but that's a nickname.

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
well, when I was attending school, it did.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
no. I did at the end of april, and the end of may, and I'm going someplace at the end of this month.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
no. the idea freaks me out a little.

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
no.

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
no.

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
not actively. there are people that I was previously in love with who I will always be a little bit in love with. well, one in particular, but possibly a second.

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
yes. but not since I was really really little.

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE IN PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
oh yeah. three people. y'all can probably guess who they are, but maybe not.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
I keep my ring, my earrings, and my belly button ring on all the time.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
go to sleep. alone.