About a month ago, there was talk of me being dispatched on a business trip to someplace I didn’t feel entirely comfortable going. For numerous reasons, some of which were safety-related. I told a couple of friends at work. “Tell your boss you’re pregnant,” they responded, one by one. I told a couple of friends outside of work. “Tell you’re boss you’re pregnant!” they exclaimed. I told my mom. “Why don’t you tell your boss you’re pregnant?” she said. Hmm. I’m not pregnant. I couldn’t tell my boss that. There are just some things that it’s not cool to lie about. That is one of them. It’s a sacred thing. And then, what happens a couple months down the road when I’m only getting bigger because I’m eating more and exercising less? I have to come up with something to explain that, and, well, that is some badass karma, right there. So anyway, that argument was out. I decided that if it came down to it, I could explain to my boss that we are trying and I don’t feel comfortable going. It didn’t come to that, but that’s not the point of this entry.
The point is, we are actually trying. Sort of. James’s sister had a baby in September, and his biological clock is ticking. Mine is not, exactly, but I would like to start sooner rather than later, especially in case there’s a problem, as this would give us more time to figure it out. However, we have not yet been married a year. We got married at the beginning of May. During the nine months (wow! ironic!) since then, he was unemployed for four months and then we bought a house. So finances right now are not our strong suit. I figured we would rent for another year and pay off our credit card debt and THEN buy a house, but our apartment raised the rent to a rather ridiculous level, and then there was this house and it was a good deal and it was so cute, and it was not in Durham County so we could actually raise children there someday, and I thought, if we don’t try for this house, I will always regret it. We tried. We got the house. Woo! But now we have no money. So while James would like me to stay at home with the baby, and while I think that is ideal, too, at least at first, there’s no way it could happen anytime soon.
I quit using birth control and starting thinking of things like BDing and EWCM. I’m not ready to officially admit to TTC – but we are. (Heh. Loving the acronyms.) Not seriously; I’m not charting or otherwise trying to predict ovulation, just sort of noting things like EWCM. There are several reasons behind this lack of serious trying. One is that another month means another chance to save money. Two is that it means more time to be just the two of us. Plus the cat. And the dog. (Somebody told me that having a puppy is not unlike having a newborn. I don’t think I really believe that, although I can see some parallels. If it’s any indication, I’m not ready to have a baby. Although in my defense, I did not particularly want the puppy.) Couples vacations: still a possibility (if we had money). Rationally, there are lots and lots of reasons to wait. And then there is the fact that if we're not really trying, then there’s no reason to think anything's wrong or be disappointed if nothing happens.
But here’s the irrational, emotional thing: when I get my period, I’m disappointed.
First up: This is the section where the seats for our 10-game season ticket plan are located. The woman on the far left, the one whose jersey you can't quite see, she brings the jerseys and hands them out to the rest of her party. I am not sure if I should try to shake her hand and bow down to the obsession or if I should run in the opposite direction. Certainly, I have a favorite player, and my brother has a name and number on his jersey, and I have been known to be obsessive about things ... but ... this just takes it to a whole new level. The most awesome thing about this woman is that her jersey has Babchuk's name in Cyrillic. And also? This particular game? He had been sent down to the minors, refused to report, and been suspended. He was then reinstated but still in the minors. Now that, that is dedication (by the fan, not, obviously, by Babchuk, whose refusal to report is LAME).
Next: my new car. This is a lovely juxtaposition with the new car in front and my old car behind it. In my parents' driveway. The old car is still sitting there. I need to take it to Carmax and see what they will give me for it. Hopefully enough to pay my stupid income taxes so I can afford the first car payment. (Stupid taxes.) One other thing about the picture is that you cannot tell, but it was snowing when it was taken. Well, flurrying, I suppose, would be more accurate, but the fact is, it was 45 degrees outside and there was frozen white precipitation falling from the sky. It was something of a shock.