the roar of a Sunday crowd
Last night, I rode a mechanical bull.

And there was a cowboy, named Garth, who won the Strong Man contest, I swear I'm not making this up, and he was cute, right up until he started humping the fence that surrounded the bull.

The bartender bore a vague resemblance to Billy Ray Cyrus, circa 1995 or so, which disturbed me.

And then we saw Eric at IHOP, which was rocking at 3 a.m.

looking for love in all the wrong places
I don't think I will ever understand men. They say they are simple creatures, but I just don't get them. I think it is some sort of universal rule: men cannot understand women, and women cannot understand men. No matter how simple it is (should be) on either side.

I decided to watch Wonderfalls tonight, just in the mood for some reason, and the episode I pick is the one where the lying, cheating wife returns to the scruffy bartender, and he re-marries her despite the fact that he is in love with the really smart retail girl, and she with him. The universe, it laughs at me.

some things only lonely understands
You know how I mentioned, yesterday, that The Latest Boy (TLB) doesn't have a song that I can "remember him by"? Ironic, then, that today, I was in the back at work, you might call it the receiving area, yes, and there was this easy listening crap playing, and I may have questionable taste in music, but even I cannot stand that, so I change it to the local rock station, and the song that comes on is the song that TLB has on his myspace page, which I occasionally check because I still want him, and I still care about him, even if I shouldn't, and I don't care if it's not healthy. (Yes, I was a journalism major, and that is a very bad, incorrect sentence. I don't care about that either. Also, yes, I have issues. We know this. Moving on.)

Here is a survey. I stole it from Courtney, but I feel that she will not mind, and it will give her the opportunity to mock me if she so desires. I am all about giving my friends the opportunity to mock me.

JUST STUFF...
[relationship status] – single, and not particularly pleased about it, either.
[shoe size] - 8.
[parents still together] - yes.
[siblings] – one brother, Kevin.
[pets] - my family has a pet cat. I don't have any because I can't afford pet rent.

FAVORITES...
[color] – today it's pink. tomorrow it might be green. and if we're talking about eye color on a guy, it's brown. I always have to make that disclaimer, I don't know why.
[number] – 4.
[animal] - penguin.
[book] - if I have to pick one, right now, it's Fortune's Rocks.

DO YOU...
[twirl your hair?] – yes. it's long right now and I don't know what to do with it.
[have tattoos?] – no.
[cheat on tests?] - I cheated on a fifth-grade spelling test once and I still feel bad about that.
[like roller coasters?] - I used to, but not so much anymore. unless you count Space Mountain at Disney World.

OPINIONS...
[wish you could live somewhere else?] - yes, but I haven't figured out where. so far I've tried Orlando, Houston and Memphis...Houston was the best but here I am back in Durham, so who knows.
[know how to drive?] - yes, mostly.
[ever consider getting back with an ex?] - yes.
[why or why not? (last question)] - I have good taste so the guys I pick ... yeah. stop laughing at me.

INFORMATION...
[made out with JUST a friend?] - kind of? I've made out with "just a friend" who after the makeout session was more than that...
[current clothing] - pajama pants and a tank top.
[current hair] - down and in my eyes.
[current thing I ought to be doing] - sending out resumes and job applications.
[current CD in stereo] - Sara Evans "Restless," mostly because I'm lazy...I was rocking John Denver earlier.
[last movie you saw] - in the theater? Underworld: Evolution.
[last thing you ate] – two chocolate truffles.
[believe there is life on other planets?] - depends on the day.
[dislike yourself?] - no, but I do wish I were different in some ways.
[collect anything?] - memories. and I'm a packrat.
[like your handwriting?] - sometimes.

LOVE...
[first crush] - Brad Morris, I suppose. or Bennett Rogers, who I believe went on to score a 1590 on the SATs. I like smarties.
[you believe in love at first sight?] - yes but I don't think that's the only way it can happen.
[you believe in "the one?"] - I'd like to but I think that's very limiting.
[are you a tease?] - oh hell. probably. I wore my shirt that "gives adolescent boys their first sexual experience" today. certain co-workers were very appreciative, and I had forgotten how much fun that was.
[are you in love currently?] - no. but I could have been.

ARE YOU...
[daydreamer] - indeed.
[shy] - yes.
[talkative] – around the right people, yes.
[simple or complicated?] – complicated. I find it disconcerting when people say they know what I am thinking because I often don't know myself.

WOULD YOU RATHER...
[pierce your nose or lip?] – nose. but my belly button is enough for me.

ABOUT YOU...
[what time is it] – 1:06 AM EST.
[nickname(s)] - the last one that I had was "mouthful" but really the only thing people do is shorten my name, which you can do if I like you, but not if I don't.

IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU...
[bought something] - yes. could I afford it? no.
[gotten sick] - felt sick? yes. actually gotten sick? no.
[sang] - in my car.
[felt stupid] – yes. this is a very common occurrence.
[missed someone] - YES.
[gotten your hair cut] – no.

LAST PERSON THAT...
[slept in your bed] – sadly, the last time someone other than me slept in my bed was in Memphis. Nancy was the last person to sleep on my couch.
[saw you cry] - Lynn and Beth.
[made you cry] – Lynn and Beth. and that was a bad, bad thing. work-related, too. I haven't cried over a personal thing in at least two weeks.
[saw a movie with you] – in the theater, Alex. on dvd, Nancy. I think.

on the road again
The Tar Heels just ruined senior night for JJ Redick and That. Is. AWESOME.

And Dick Vitale can shut up, now, please.

a long black veil

When I was in college, I had a summer internship with the local women's professional softball team (OH, THE STORIES). One day, Betty, the PA announcer, took us interns out on her boat. She had an inflatable jet ski thing that she would tow behind the boat, and it sounds kind of lame, but it was actually fun. [Aside: I had a huge crush on fellow intern Ben, who is now the GM of an independent team in the Can-Am League, or some such league, and who at the time was dating fellow intern Shannon. I also was fat, lacking in self-confidence and shy, and it was bad. And, as we were on a boat, and I was going to be swimming, I was wearing a bathing suit, so you can only imagine my state of mind.]

So, we all ride the jet ski, and after everybody's had a go, me and Ben somehow end up on there together. (Which, of course, is like a dream come true for me.) So we start going, and he's yelling, "Faster! Faster!" so we go faster, and it was pretty awesome, actually, and then we hit the wake, or something, and we crashed spectacularly. Ben and I hit the water as one, and his elbow connected fairly solidly with my head, and when we surfaced, everyone looked somewhat concerned.

"I thought I killed you," said Ben.

And then I asked if we could go again, and Betty shook her head and said, "You're one of those people who would rather go short and score a 10 than go long and get an 8." That sort of stuck with me, because it's quite true. I don't really go halfway with things. I'm either in, which means all in, or out. Which can be very good, or very bad. For instance: work. If you work in baseball, and you are all in, then you have no life. When I worked in baseball, I was all in, and I had no life, and that is part of the reason that I am where I am right now. Second example: love. If I fall for someone, I fall hard, and I fall fast, and then I don't give up easily. 

gotta be something more
(I know the title is weak...I'm in a hurry.)

I love the Olympics (although, much like the dook game, not so much this time) but I HATE BOB COSTAS WITH AN UNHOLY PASSION.

It all began around the time the Chicago Bulls won their first NBA Championship, and there was Bob in the locker room. First, he said, "Oh, we can't get Michael just let...hey, there's Scottie!" Then, he repeated the phrase "amid the bedlam" at least 16 times, while squinting in a very annoyed fashion due to the champagne dripping all over his suit, and then, when he finally got Michael Jordan over to talk to him, he turned to him and said, "Is this your mother?" when the woman standing behind MJ was his wife. IT WAS AWFUL. Also, he is never happy. And every Olympics, there he is, all the damn time.

it matters to me

I Need A Little More Bliss
So I have this other blog, one I kept from June 2003 up until now, but I'm not quite sure what to do with it. There's a lot of...intense stuff in it, mostly about my angst over one guy (for entirely too long), but also about that time I got fired because the company I was working for hired a new manager and he couldn't stand the fact that I didn't kiss his ass and agree with everything that came out of his mouth. This is because he was often wrong, and the fact is, I told him that I would do what he said, because he was the boss, but I wasn't going to smile and say I thought it was a good idea if I didn't think so. I wasn't aware that with the new management, I suddenly had to become a brown-noser. But I digress. I'm still a little bitter.

Anyway, after I, er, *left*, my intern (who later got my old job, which I don't really feel he deserved, but maybe he did, and anyway, he never did anything bad to me so more power to him, I guess) inherited my computer, which I had used to write in my blog. Naturally, I assume, he was curious and visited the website. Then lots of people from that godforsaken city visited my website, and some of them kept coming back, and after a while, I realized I was censoring myself because I really didn't want them to know some of the shit I was dealing with. I could write about how bad it had been and how much of an asshole a certain ex-manager of mine is, hoping that they were reading it, not that they would care, but I didn't want to write about how much life sucked, because, well, I wanted them all to see that I had succeeded in spite of them. I have not yet succeeded.

I'm working on it, though, and writing is good for the soul. (Or something like that. I have a journalism degree; I need to write something, even if it is bad stream-of-consciousness nonsense.) Also I finally -- finally! -- managed to get over the guy who caused me all the angst (found a new one!), so I'm thinking maybe start fresh? But I don't know. There are a lot of good entries on that old blog, too, and good memories along with the bad, so ... yeah. It's online but hidden right now. We'll see.

Also, all my blog entries use country music lyrics as their titles, which is something I started doing in the aforementioned blog. I'm kind of a dork.

without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life

down at the lonely grill, got nothin' but time to kill

I have finally made a true, lifelong friend in Memphis. She is the graphic design intern. She applied for the media relations internship, mostly so she could tell me what I was doing wrong, but I didn't hire her. (Ha!) So she hated me before even meeting me, but then her boss set us up on a movie date, and the rest is history. 

She actually watched the UNC national championship game with me, in my apartment living room, and jumped up and down with me in front of my tiny TV when the Tar Heels won, even though she is an Iowa Hawkeye. 

So, we are hanging out again the next night, drinking and talking about unrequited lust and love. Then we get to talking about "the Leffer" as we call her favorite (Iowa) PR guy, and I say he has a head like an alien, but he had a nice voice, and who am I to judge on liking anyone anyway? She says I shouldn't talk about his weirdly shaped head, and to get back at me, she picks up my phone like she's going to call NSG. I don't stop her. He doesn't answer. She leaves a message, something like, "NSG...so that's your name. I just found this number on a napkin, in my purse, and I thought I'd call it to see who it was. Anyway, my name's Sarah, and I'd love to hear back from you if you want to call me."

I drink some more and try to decide if I want him to call her back or not. The "yes because I want to hear his voice" is winning when he calls back at midnight. He doesn't know how she could have gotten his number. He doesn't remember giving it out on a napkin. He keeps saying, "This is so weird!" Sarah says that she was recently in California and Arizona with a friend. He says, "Peoria? Were you in Peoria? I was in Peoria." She says she thinks so, yeah, they went to a Padres game. He says it has to be Duffy's then, because that's the only place he met girls -- and he gave his number to a couple of girls who wanted tickets, but that's it. Sarah says that it might have been that -- she'll have to ask her friend -- because she remembers they went to the Fox and Hound.

NSG says, "This is so weird!" He says he was out with some colleagues when she left the message. She asks if one of them might have put his number in her purse. He says he doesn't know. Then he says he recently got a job with [his new team] and he's just got into town and he's actually living in a hotel right now. She says she wondered what he did because his voicemail message says "you have the reached the voice mail of my personal cell phone," so she wondered if it was weird. He says that's sort of an inside joke with his nieces and nephews and so there's a story behind it. (Didn't know that.) He asks what she looks like. She says she's hot -- and does he usually give out his number to girls he can't remember? He says no. She asks what he looks like. He says, "I don't know." Ha. She makes fun of him. He says, "So you're from Iowa?" I don't remember her telling him that, and I am afraid he's figured it out, but she says she lives in the Twin Cities, just doing temp work, but she's from Des Moines originally. He asks what time it is, which is midnight, and then says he's called too late, but she says he didn't. Then he says he is actually going to go to bed, and "this is so weird!"

As soon as she hangs up, Sarah says, "Oh my God, I understand now. His voice is SO HOT!" Yeah, I know.