give me a good reason why

In my high school psychology class, we learned about the five stages of death and dying, postulated on by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. These later were expanded to the five stages of loss, of losing a loved one. Handy acronym to remember them by for the AP Exam: DABDA. This stands for

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Which is all fine and good and interesting, except I think I skip around. Denial is a good first one: Well, he's kind of ... avoiding me, and there was that porno sitting on the floor by the DVD player, which seems like a bad sign... But then I sort of move into a depressed half-acceptance, half-denial/delusional phase: Okay, he doesn't want to be with me right now, but maybe one day he will. This is followed by a period of depression, and then some bargaining. Perhaps we could still be friends. We were friends, once, and there's no reason we couldn't be again (except that he's incapable of acting like a rational adult, but, hey, details!). Followed by some more bargaining. Okay, if he doesn't want me, that's fine. You can't control who you fall for, fall in love with, whatever, I get that. I don't see why we can't be friends, but if we can't do that, then fine. But can't we maybe be civil? In the company of mutual friends? And if not, then could I at least maybe get an explanation of what I did wrong, so I can avoid that in my next relationship? This, finally, is followed by a short period of intense depression and a longer period of barely suppressed blinding fiery rage. [See: Monday's entry.] Then I get to a point where I can accept it.

I mean, I realize it's just me, and I'm clearly an idiot (clearly), but this is a pattern that I have seen several times over. It varies in intensity, but the steps are the same. And they're not DABDA! They're something unintelligible and not cute and easy to remember.

I ... I think I need to go read some more self-help books. This too shall pass. Hopefully by Friday. Do you think it's bad to have a first date on April Fools Day? I'm just wondering.

the heart won't lie
It sleeted yesterday. In central North Carolina. On March 25th, which, incidentally, was Tom Glavine’s 40th birthday. Tom Glavine was my first baseball crush, 15 years ago. That means he was as old then as I am now, and that freaks me out a little bit. I got a job rejection letter the other day. The rejection was not unexpected, but the letter was...because I interviewed for that job in December, and they told me they planned to decide on a hire in about a week. So, uh, thanks for letting me know you didn't pick me, there, guys. I like to hold out hope for longer than I should in my personal life, but it would be entirely too stressful if I did that in my job search as well. I didn't even want that job after I had the interview, anyway. About that holding out hope thing. Yeah. I used to have this problem, wherein I’d be driving home from work, past this bar I knew NSG frequented, and I'd see his car, and I’d wonder what exactly he was doing in there, and who he was doing it with, and if he was going to go home with her. I didn’t consciously want to do it, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. And it bothered me that I would wonder these things, because he wasn’t mine to care about. He was single. He could do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t like I could be upset about it, or not trust him, because we were friends, but that’s it. He should have been going out (and/or home) with women, whatever made him happy. But I didn’t want him to do that, because no matter how much I told myself it was hopeless, I was still holding out hope. I really, sincerely wanted him to be happy, and that made it even more fun. Of course it was the classic “I want him to be happy, but what I really want is for him to be happy with me, and why aren’t I enough?” but that’s beside the point. I thought I was doing better about my current situation, you know, aside from hoping that TLB was doing well – which is stupid of me but fairly benign, I think – but then there was Friday night. Suffice it to say, I am not doing better. And there's more! A new boy has unexpectedly entered into the mix, but I don’t know what to do about him. Not to pull a TLB myself, but I can’t be in a relationship right now. I can’t. I am still hung up on him. I need to figure out my life. But at the same time, I have to get out there; I can’t put my life on hold indefinitely, so what am I supposed to do? I would say sure, I could do the “casual dating” thing, but can I? TLB and I were supposed to be doing casual, and that didn’t work out so well. What if I say I’m okay with dating, as long as we keep it casual, but something else happens? What if there’s a connection, and it clicks, and then suddenly I’m on the air mattress at his apartment and he’s warning me that he snores, and then two months later I decide that, whoa, we’re moving entirely too fast, and why the fuck is he keeping a toothbrush at my apartment, oh my God, I can never see him again? What then? I know I am getting WAY ahead of myself, and I need to just take things as they come, but it's very hard for me to do so, at least right now. 

I kinda went numb just around about the time you told me...
One of the things I really dislike is unsolicited advice. I received some tonight, and it was fairly good advice, if I look at it objectively, and it was meant with the best of intentions, but I hate it. I didn't ask for it, and I don't want it. (Naturally I didn't say anything. It was with the best of intentions, after all, and as far as picking battles go, that wasn't one I wanted to fight, and I really dislike confrontation, but still.) This goes for personal advice as well as professional advice.

Now, if I ask you for advice and you tell me what you think and I don't like it, well, that's different. I can respect that we have differing opinions, and I'll probably still do what I want, regardless (yes, I am stubborn), but I wanted you to tell me what you thought, and I do take it into account. And sometimes, I even take people's advice when I ask for it. But if I don't ask for it? Please, just don't.

This actually flows nicely (okay, maybe that's too strong a phrase...this actually is a tenuous segue) into my next topic, which involves my favorite TV show, since I have no life. Ha. Most recent Grey's Anatomy. Alex gives George a big fat lecture on how he needs to get over Meredith. (Of course he was saying it because he's in a similar situation and he feels powerless, but that's beside the point.) This is never a good thing to say to someone. I know, because I don't get over things, and people really like to toss that advice out there. Seriously, though. Oh, gee, why didn't I think of that? I should just get over it! Imagine! Yeah, see, it's not that easy.

This is also similar to the statement people like to make to me: "Oh, you have a degree in journalism? Why don't you just get a job in that field?" HEY! Why didn't I think of that? Oh, wait, I did think of that. It's not that easy.

Apparently for some people, it actually is, but I have only ever met one of those people, so it could be a fluke. Or, like, the exception that proves the rule. Also, I hate these people.

till I see it in your eyes
Lately, since I have given up on TLB (I mean on trying to be his friend, or communicate with him. I haven’t given up on him; that would be too easy), I keep thinking about him at random times, you know, like: I hope he did something fun for St. Patrick’s Day, I hope he went out and didn’t have to work. And then I think, wait, why do I want him to be happy? Why can’t I hate him? He hurt me. I don’t want to care about him, but I do. I do want him to be happy; after all, we were friends first and we probably could still be, if he wanted to make the effort – which he doesn’t, not that I’m upset about that, but whatever – and we used to be, you know, fairly close. It doesn’t do me any good if he’s not happy, anyway. But at the same time, if I didn’t care, or if I could just be pissed off and hate him, then I could let go a lot easier. It irritates me that I have this problem. And not for the first time.

I could quote old journal entries, but suffice it to say: I REALLY JUST NEVER LEARN. I guess the silver lining here, if I look real hard for one, is that this allows me to do what it says in that popular quote (I don’t know who said it though) and love like I’ve never been hurt.

…

Never did get any green beer for St. Paddy’s Day. Got a green fruity-flavored alcoholic beverage, then a Killians (Irish Red, you know), then a green Jell-O shot. So all in all, not a bad evening, and the Tar Heels won.

…

So, my “type” of guy… What had happened was, a couple of weeks ago, one of my managers, in the midst of my crying fit/meltdown at work, said to another manager, to try to lighten up the situation, “Well, we know Molly won’t leave as long as Brooks is here,” Brooks being the only eye candy left at that place. The second manager was shocked by this, as apparently she was the only one in the store who had not realized my enjoyment of this eye candy, which began, oh, I don’t know, four months ago. Then her eyes got big as she turned to look at me and said, “I get it now! You like the tall skinny bearded ones who are cocky and brooding!” (Brooks: “I don’t brood! And I’m not cocky. I’m an asshole, but I’m not cocky.”) Sure I think Brooks is nice to look at, and it helps that we are friends, but I could never actually be with him, even if he weren’t married, and, okay, yes, that describes TLB, but I still wouldn’t have called it my type. It was just sort of coincidental.

Until I found that first link I posted in the last entry. Which was what made Memphis okay. Except that eye candy didn’t have a beard at the time, but now I see the goatee, and it occurs to me that he is now tall, skinny, bearded, cocky and brooding. So … yeah. Heh. Maybe I do have a type.

…

As I heard “Like We Never Loved at All” for the 67th time over the last four days this afternoon driving home from my retail therapy session at the outlets – which had worked rather nicely until I got in the car and heard the Tar Heels LOSE TO FUCKING GEORGE MASON – I started thinking that it sort of fits, and then I started thinking that it was just too much to have another sad Tim and Faith song that makes me think about a guy.

…

Finally, the tax situation: I owe the government money, and I am not well pleased.

life gets away from us all
I realized today that I have lied to you. It was unintentional, but still, I apologize. The last movie I saw in the theater was actually Tristan and Isolde, which I liked rather a lot, and made me cry and cry, but I ... forgot about that. Also, I dated this Indian guy in high school and I forgot about him, too. Heh. But our "relationship" was very, very lame. We "went out" for three weeks and never even got to first base.

I had this dream last night in which one of my teeth broke off, and also, I developed a gap between my two front teeth, one that I could push on and make smaller or bigger. It was disturbing. When I looked in my handy dream dictionary (it was a gift! shut up!), it said: "Teeth are symbols of aggression, of your ability to cut through or bite through tough or confusing situations. Losing your teeth indicates you feel like you're losing power or your grasp on a situation." But...that would mean I'd have to have power, or a grasp on a situation. Which I don't! Ha! Haha!

who I am
You know how self-improvement books tell you that if you lack self-confidence, you should just fake it, and then other people will think you’re confident, and eventually you will become self-confident? No? Just me, then. So I was thinking, hey, maybe if I fake being over TLB, then eventually I will just get over him. Except then it occurred to me that (a) I still lack self-confidence, and I have been faking that (trying to fake it?) for several years now, and (b) that’s another way of saying “if you pretend it’s not there, then maybe it will go away” AND I HATE THAT. So I am not sure about that idea, after all. I mean, if you pretend it’s not there, it might very well go away, but not typically because you pretended it wasn’t there.

In other news: it is very warm here. I love chocolate chip cookie dough. Mechanical bull riding apparently requires the use of muscles that I was not aware I had.

---

Another day, another survey, because, well, what the hell.

1. What does your MySpace quote mean?
It's a phrase I put in an 11th grade English paper about Ethan Frome, to see if our teacher was paying attention. She was, but I still got an A.

2. Elaborate on your default photo.
Well. It's some flowers I got for Christmas and I played with the pic in photoshop and I thought it looked really cool.

3. Who is the first person on your top 8?
I don't know. You know, I only have 5.

4. What's your current relationship status?
Single.

5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
A tank top, a sweatshirt and workout shorts.

6. What is your current problem?
Warren. And the Tar Heels. Which is actually one problem, though it might seem like two.

7. What do you love most?
For a what, not a who...my bed. Ha! Haha!

8. What makes you most happy?
Hugging somebody that I'm in love with. Or in lust with, even. Or, hey! Chocolate chip cookie dough.

9. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
I would have danced with David at the seventh grade dance.

10. Ever have a near death experience?
No.

11. Name an obvious quality you have?
I have a great rack. That's pretty obvious.

12. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"What It Takes"

13. Any celeb you would marry?
You know what, I really don't think so.

14. Who will cut and paste this first?
No one. Unless Sarah gets bored.

15. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Chris Stollings. And Shakespeare.

16. Do you have a crush on someone?
I would have to go with no. I wouldn't mind developing one, though. I need new eye candy at work.

17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
No. I'm a good girl.

18. Have you ever been in a fight?
Physically, only with my brother. My dad and I had screaming matches when I was younger.

19. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
No. I can't sing. The last time I tried was in chorus in fifth grade.

20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Face.

22. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
No.

23. Say something totally random about you?
My mind is a total blank.

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
There's a girl at work who has told me several times that I look like the little girl in "Corinna, Corinna." That's the only one I can think of right now.

25. How old are you?
25. Like the question!

26. Do you wear a watch? What kind?
Yes. It's silver, and it's Fossil. Got it for Christmas two years ago.

27. Do you have anything pierced?
Yes. Ears, two holes in the left ear (for the sperm earring) and one in the right; belly button.

28. Do you have any tattoos?
No.

30. Do you like to shop?
Yes. But lately it's limited to mostly window shopping.

31. What was the last thing you paid cash for?
I think I bought some coffee, but it was a couple of weeks ago. I never have cash.

32. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?
The fifth installment of my autobiographical novel. Or maybe I put gas in my car, I forget.

33. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
Some clueless customer.

34. What is on your desktop background?
A Central Park bench.

35. What is on the background of your cell?
It's either Heather giving Brooks bunny ears in the break room at work, or Alex's plants. I can't decide which one I want up there so I keep switching them.

36. Do you like redheads?
No? I don't really dislike them, though. Memories of Matt Cline there, thanks.

37. Do you know any twins?
No. At least not well enough that it counts. I know of some twins.

38. Do you have any weird relatives?
Yeah. My family is from western Pennsylvania. (Heh.)

39. What was the last movie you watched?
I need to go see a movie. The last one I went to see was Underworld: Evolution. The last one I watched was The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, because Nancy told me it was good, but it was so awful that I couldn't finish it.

40. What was the last book you read?
Some romance novel strip. Also I am in the middle of River of Doubt, about Theodore Roosevelt.

41. Did you or are you planning to go to college?
I did. And I might again.

42. What is your favorite pair of pants that you own?
Any of my pajama pants. I love pajama pants.

43. Do you like to party?
Sure.

44. How many keys are on your keychain?
Four.

45. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis?
If I have nothing else, I must have mascara.

46. Is your AIM away message on?
No.

47. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Shepherd's pie from that pub in Memphis, the name of which I can't remember. Dan McGuinness?

48. What curse word do you use the most?
I have been dropping a lot of f-bombs lately.

49. Do you own an iPod?
No. My mom hinted that she might be getting me one for my birthday though.

50. Who on your Myspace "Top 8" do you talk to the most?
Sarah.

51. What time is your alarm clock set for?
7:30 am. But it will be off tomorrow.

52. Have you ever bid for something on ebay?
Yes. And I've won stuff, too. Something like 41 things, since 1999, I think. I LOVE EBAY.

53. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside?
How are we defining cold? Maybe I have.

54. Where do you buy your groceries from?
Target. Cheap! Also Harris Teeter and Wal-Mart. I'm flexible.

55. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Probably take it. Unless it's me and a hot guy, or Kurt Browning, for example. Then I want to be in it.

56. What was the last tv show you watched?
Extreme Home Makeover.

57. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes. My best friend from high school had a baby last month and I am supposed to meet him for the first time on Tuesday. It's a little weird, I have to admit.

58. If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy?
A house. I don't know.

59. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Yes. And sometimes they are correct.

60. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
Only if I have a cold and it's NyQuil. Cherry flavored.

61. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Aerosmith. "Big Ones."

62. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Regular. Skim.

63. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes. I might tell, though, because it's really funny.

64. When was the last time someone hit on you?
Hell, half the time I don't notice. Friday night at the bar?

65. What did you have for dinner?
A burrito and two homemade Sally Lunn muffins. And chocolate chip cookie dough!

66. Do you wear hoodies often?
Yes. It's my default lazy wear.

67. What color is your car?
Something red.

68. Can you whistle?
No. I cannot.

69. What is your favorite Christmas/winter movie?
Love Actually.

70. Do you make your own jewelry?
Lord, no. I only wear earrings (usually the same ones, silver hoops) and my watch and my ring.

71. Have you ever participated in a protest?
Not officially.

72. Who was the last person to call you?
Nancy.

73. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
Um. Thunder Mountain.

74. Where's your favorite place to vacation?
I do like the beach. I want to go lots of places though. I need a vacation. And money, I need that, too.

75. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
No. But one of my best friends is a guy I used to date.

76. What area code are you in right now?
919.

77. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Yes.

78. How big is your local mall?
Fucking huge.

79. What is your job title?
Well apparently it is going to change within the next three weeks, to something there is no description for. Hmm.

80. How many siblings do you have?
One.

81.Would you ever sky dive?
I wouldn't rule it out.

82. What are you allergic to?
Cigarette smoke. Lee.

83. What is your biggest regret?
I plead the fifth. I've always tried not to have any, and I haven't up until recently, and I'm trying not to regret that, so ... that's where I stand.

84. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?
Yes, I have. In Houston.

85. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
Friday night, when Nancy dressed me. Literally.

87. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Um. No.

88. What is your favorite candle scent?
Right now I would have to go with "Warm Apple Pie."

89. How many aunts and uncles do you have?
Well, there's Chris and Jeff, Ticky and Linda, Laurel, Larry and Andrea...so seven, all total.

90. When was your last plane ride?
I flew back from Seattle, by way of Chicago, in December. Next up: Des Moines, end of April.

91. Do you crack your knuckles?
No.

92. How many chairs are at your dining room table?
Four.

93. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Ranch.

94. Do you read for fun?
Yeah, but it's harder now that I work in a bookstore, and you wouldn't think this would be the case. Would you?

95. Can you speak any languages other than English?
No. This is where my four years of high school Spanish got me. I can read some of it.

96. Where is your cell phone?
On my coffee table.

97. Do you do your own dishes?
Well...yeah.

98. What color is your bedroom painted?
White.

99. Are your parents divorced?
No. They will celebrate their 31st anniversary in August.

100. Have you ever cried in public?
Entirely too many times, yes.

101. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Laptop. And I love it.

102. Which do you make: wishes or plans?
Both. I like wishes better, but you have to have the backup for when they don't come true.

103. Are you always trying to learn new things?
Not really. Sometimes I like to stagnate.

104. What messenger programs do you have?
I have AIM but I don't use it. I text message people on my phone now.

105. Do you shower on a daily basis?
Yes.

106. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
No.

107. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
I'd go with whoever does the asking. Or you could go dutch, that's cool with me. I like chivalry, though.

108. Can you skip rocks?
Nope.

109. Have you ever been to Jamaica?
No.

110. What do you like to snack on at the movie theatres?
Junior mints.

111. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Jones.

112. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?
No. Unless you count Mike, who called me at midnight in the fifth grade. Yeah, Dad didn't like that so much.

113. What is the weather like?
Too warm for March 12th but okay now that it's night.

114. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Sure, if I liked him.

115. Do you have an online journal?
Heh.

116. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school?
No I did not.

117. What was your favorite class in high school?
AP Psych. Sports medicine was fun, too, but only because we did absolutely nothing worthwhile. Oh, wait, I did get CPR certified in that class.

118. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
Back. Or side. Then I roll over.

119. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
Sarcasm.

120. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
Well I have been attracted to someone who "is a monkey" according to Nancy, but I have always found the people I'm attracted to attractive. Heh.

121. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I dunno. Does an air mattress count? 'Cause that would be Feb. 14, I think. (Oh the irony.)

122. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Probably Malibu and pineapple. And, no, it doesn't taste like suntan lotion, and how do you know what suntan lotion tastes like anyway?

123. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?
Shawn.

124. Do you like your living arrangement?
Yes and no. I love my apartment, and I love being away from my family but still close by. I don't necessarily love living alone. Although sometimes I do.

125. Has anyone ever called you spoiled?
Yes. Mostly my brother. But he is WAY more spoiled than I am, being younger than me.

126. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents?
Same university. My dad and I even attended at the same time for a semester or two, my freshman year.

127. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Four, minimum. On a regular basis, I need eight.

128. How much is gas where you live right now?
I think I saw $2.41 at the gas station across the street from my apartment. But the place I go was $2.31 when I passed it on my way home from work.

129. What was the last thing to scare you?
A phone call I got on Wednesday.

130. Do you own a Playstation?
I have a PS2 that Warren gave me for my 21st birthday. Sort of. I use it as my DVD player.

131. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
Once.

132. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
A lot. I'm not sure. I have all these cute open-toed shoes that I can't wear to work, and it pains me.

133. Are your days full and fast-paced?
Not exactly, but I never seem to have enough time for the things I need to do. Perhaps because I answer 135 questions online. Maybe?

134. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
Yeah. Once. And I wasn't even talking at the time. But the teacher took five points off a test. I think I got a 95.

135. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you're currently in?
Carpet. And a pretty, pretty rug from Pottery Barn.

the roar of a Sunday crowd
Last night, I rode a mechanical bull.

And there was a cowboy, named Garth, who won the Strong Man contest, I swear I'm not making this up, and he was cute, right up until he started humping the fence that surrounded the bull.

The bartender bore a vague resemblance to Billy Ray Cyrus, circa 1995 or so, which disturbed me.

And then we saw Eric at IHOP, which was rocking at 3 a.m.

looking for love in all the wrong places
I don't think I will ever understand men. They say they are simple creatures, but I just don't get them. I think it is some sort of universal rule: men cannot understand women, and women cannot understand men. No matter how simple it is (should be) on either side.

I decided to watch Wonderfalls tonight, just in the mood for some reason, and the episode I pick is the one where the lying, cheating wife returns to the scruffy bartender, and he re-marries her despite the fact that he is in love with the really smart retail girl, and she with him. The universe, it laughs at me.

some things only lonely understands
You know how I mentioned, yesterday, that The Latest Boy (TLB) doesn't have a song that I can "remember him by"? Ironic, then, that today, I was in the back at work, you might call it the receiving area, yes, and there was this easy listening crap playing, and I may have questionable taste in music, but even I cannot stand that, so I change it to the local rock station, and the song that comes on is the song that TLB has on his myspace page, which I occasionally check because I still want him, and I still care about him, even if I shouldn't, and I don't care if it's not healthy. (Yes, I was a journalism major, and that is a very bad, incorrect sentence. I don't care about that either. Also, yes, I have issues. We know this. Moving on.)

Here is a survey. I stole it from Courtney, but I feel that she will not mind, and it will give her the opportunity to mock me if she so desires. I am all about giving my friends the opportunity to mock me.

JUST STUFF...
[relationship status] – single, and not particularly pleased about it, either.
[shoe size] - 8.
[parents still together] - yes.
[siblings] – one brother, Kevin.
[pets] - my family has a pet cat. I don't have any because I can't afford pet rent.

FAVORITES...
[color] – today it's pink. tomorrow it might be green. and if we're talking about eye color on a guy, it's brown. I always have to make that disclaimer, I don't know why.
[number] – 4.
[animal] - penguin.
[book] - if I have to pick one, right now, it's Fortune's Rocks.

DO YOU...
[twirl your hair?] – yes. it's long right now and I don't know what to do with it.
[have tattoos?] – no.
[cheat on tests?] - I cheated on a fifth-grade spelling test once and I still feel bad about that.
[like roller coasters?] - I used to, but not so much anymore. unless you count Space Mountain at Disney World.

OPINIONS...
[wish you could live somewhere else?] - yes, but I haven't figured out where. so far I've tried Orlando, Houston and Memphis...Houston was the best but here I am back in Durham, so who knows.
[know how to drive?] - yes, mostly.
[ever consider getting back with an ex?] - yes.
[why or why not? (last question)] - I have good taste so the guys I pick ... yeah. stop laughing at me.

INFORMATION...
[made out with JUST a friend?] - kind of? I've made out with "just a friend" who after the makeout session was more than that...
[current clothing] - pajama pants and a tank top.
[current hair] - down and in my eyes.
[current thing I ought to be doing] - sending out resumes and job applications.
[current CD in stereo] - Sara Evans "Restless," mostly because I'm lazy...I was rocking John Denver earlier.
[last movie you saw] - in the theater? Underworld: Evolution.
[last thing you ate] – two chocolate truffles.
[believe there is life on other planets?] - depends on the day.
[dislike yourself?] - no, but I do wish I were different in some ways.
[collect anything?] - memories. and I'm a packrat.
[like your handwriting?] - sometimes.

LOVE...
[first crush] - Brad Morris, I suppose. or Bennett Rogers, who I believe went on to score a 1590 on the SATs. I like smarties.
[you believe in love at first sight?] - yes but I don't think that's the only way it can happen.
[you believe in "the one?"] - I'd like to but I think that's very limiting.
[are you a tease?] - oh hell. probably. I wore my shirt that "gives adolescent boys their first sexual experience" today. certain co-workers were very appreciative, and I had forgotten how much fun that was.
[are you in love currently?] - no. but I could have been.

ARE YOU...
[daydreamer] - indeed.
[shy] - yes.
[talkative] – around the right people, yes.
[simple or complicated?] – complicated. I find it disconcerting when people say they know what I am thinking because I often don't know myself.

WOULD YOU RATHER...
[pierce your nose or lip?] – nose. but my belly button is enough for me.

ABOUT YOU...
[what time is it] – 1:06 AM EST.
[nickname(s)] - the last one that I had was "mouthful" but really the only thing people do is shorten my name, which you can do if I like you, but not if I don't.

IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU...
[bought something] - yes. could I afford it? no.
[gotten sick] - felt sick? yes. actually gotten sick? no.
[sang] - in my car.
[felt stupid] – yes. this is a very common occurrence.
[missed someone] - YES.
[gotten your hair cut] – no.

LAST PERSON THAT...
[slept in your bed] – sadly, the last time someone other than me slept in my bed was in Memphis. Nancy was the last person to sleep on my couch.
[saw you cry] - Lynn and Beth.
[made you cry] – Lynn and Beth. and that was a bad, bad thing. work-related, too. I haven't cried over a personal thing in at least two weeks.
[saw a movie with you] – in the theater, Alex. on dvd, Nancy. I think.

on the road again
The Tar Heels just ruined senior night for JJ Redick and That. Is. AWESOME.

And Dick Vitale can shut up, now, please.